The Weight of All Things
by lilbluedancer
Summary: Post Departure. Still reeling from Alex's death and Tess's betrayal, Liz is on a downward spiral. It only gets worse when she starts experiencing ch-ch-changes. Can Max and the rest of the Pod Squad pull her back from the brink?
1. Chapter 1

LIZ

This is the longest summer of my life.

It's been two months since Tess shot off into the sky and we are all finally regaining our equilibrium.

Compared to the past two years of my life, this summer has been completely mundane. Michael, Maria and I work long hours at the Crashdown. Max and Isabel come by sometimes and sit in their old booth. There is an emptiness where Alex used to be.

It's almost as if things have gone back to the way they were before I was shot. Max pretends he's not staring at me. I pretend not to notice that he's staring.

I can't breath when he's around. When he's not around I can't breath.

Maria always makes me take his order. She encourages me to smile, to go talk to him. She thinks because it worked out for her and Michael it'll work out for us.

Michael stayed for Maria. She believes in love now, because he stayed. Maria and Michael are together now. In spite of everything that's happened, they've found happiness. Maria and I used to hang out after work when Alex was alive. Now she hangs out with Michael.

I hate myself for being jealous of him, but I am. I feel like I've been demoted from best friend to second string.

Now I hang out with Kyle. Out of everyone he took Tess's betrayal the worst. He loved her. He thinks what happened to Alex is his fault, like he was ever a match for Tess. I've explained to him that if it's anyone's fault it's probably mine but he doesn't believe me.

We play violent video games together. It's cathartic for both of us. We talk about running away to Mexico. He tries to teach me about Buddhism. I tell him I don't believe in God anymore. He tells me my nihilistic viewpoint is bad for my health.

Sometimes I go out with Sean. He picks me up in the alley under my balcony. We go for long drives. We eat late night pizza. He takes me to the movies and sneaks me booze.

I like Sean because he doesn't expect a lot from me. He's just happy I'm there. He knows that deep down I'm still in love with Max, that it will always be Max. And yet he seems utterly unperturbed by it. He makes me laugh. He's kind of cute. Also, he buys me vodka.

I'm spending a good amount of my summer drinking. I'm thinking of it as a new skill I'm cultivating. I never liked alcohol before; never saw the appeal of losing control. Now oblivion is the only thing that makes sense.

When I'm drunk all the guilt and regret go away and I become blissfully numb. It's like magic. I'll miss it when summer is over and I have to go back to school for senior year. Fledgling alcoholics probably don't make honor roll. Nobody knows about it except for Sean. Who would have guessed Perfect Lizzie Parker had a dark side?

MAX

I'm standing in my kitchen at ten pm on a Friday night getting choked up over a bowl of strawberries.

Let me back up here.

I was doing homework for summer school, but I couldn't concentrate and went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. I'm in summer school because my college counselor told my parents it was the only way to salvage my GPA.

It sucks but it's not like I have anything better to do this summer. No evil aliens have come to attack us. The FBI seems to have lost interest without Pierce. I don't even have a girlfriend.

I hang out with Michael and Maria. I feel like a third wheel but Maria always insists I come with them. I think she feels sorry for me.

The person I spend the most time with is Isabel. She decided to take a year off and go to college with the rest of us after we finish high school. I drag her to the Crashdown and she has the grace not to act embarrassed to be seen with her little brother. She flips through fashion magazines while I do my homework. When I'm not staring at Liz, that is. Which brings me back to the strawberries.

They were sitting in a colander next to the sink. I still can't look at strawberries without thinking of her, her hair, her skin. How she even tasted like them.

I smell the damn strawberries and close my eyes. Images of Liz flash through my mind. Liz in her cute teal uniform that she hates. Liz's dark hair in a ponytail swishing between her shoulder blades. Liz staring through me like I don't exist.

"What are you doing?"

I jump, knocking over the strawberries. "Jesus, Isabel."

"Sorry." She says, in that tone that lets me know she's not really sorry, but she walks over to help me clean up anyways.

"Fun night, huh?" She jokes and I smile wanly back at her.

"Actually... I was thinking about going over to talk to Liz."

Isabel's eyebrows shoot way up. "Why?"

That's exactly I said, when Maria asked me to talk to her last night. It was after hours at the Crashdown. She and Michael were closing and I was there because honestly, I had nothing better to do.

Liz was out with Sean. Everyone thinks I don't know that they're dating but I do. Maria insists that they're just friends but I know better.

"I need you to do something for me." Maria announced, sliding into my booth. I nodded, flipping a page in my textbook. I took a sip of my Cherry Coke and waited for her to elaborate.

"I need you to talk to Liz."

I choked, coughed and looked at her, completely bewildered.

"Why?"

"I'm worried about her."

"So? You talk to her."

"Max!" She glared at me. "I'm serious."

"So am I. Besides, Liz hates me."

Maria's gaze softened slightly. "She doesn't hate you. She's...just still getting over everything."

"If you're the one worried about her why do I have to tell her?"

"Because!" She exclaimed impatiently. "I tried. She won't listen to anything I say. She just stares at me. She says she's fine but she's obviously not."

"If she won't talk to you there's no way she'll talk to me."

"But... You're Max. You've always been able to get through to her. It's worth a shot."

"I don't know Maria..."

"Max, please? For me? I don't think she's eating." She whispered. She looked worried. "She still loves you, you know."

She had me hooked now, and she knew it. "Did she tell you that?"

"Girlfriend please, she didn't have to. I can sense these things."

"What would I even say to her?"

"Just.. Tell her we miss her. That we're worried about her."

"Ok." I said uncertainly.

"Look," Maria said, leaning in towards me. "She's a wreck, Max. I think she feels like... she lost all of us, you know? Don't tell her I said this, but she's practically a zombie. I have to carry her through morning shifts; she's always hungover."

"What?" I stare at Maria. What is she talking about? Liz doesn't drink.

"My idiot cousin gets it for her. She doesn't know I know."

"So you want me to do an intervention."

"Definitely don't tell her I said that! Just think about it."

So I have been. Thinking about it. I figure, how bad could it get? How could things be worse than they are now, with this horrible silence between us?

I explain this to Isabel.

"You should tell her you love her." She advises me.

"That's not what this is really about, Iz."

"I know. But..." Her voice suddenly sounds thick, like she's trying not to cry. " You should tell her anyway. You don't want to... regret..."

"I know." I say quickly, covering her hand with mine. My heart breaks a little for my sister.

She sniffs a little and gives me that brilliant Isabel smile. "Good luck." She says, patting my arm gently.

"Yeah. Thanks." Given how things are between Liz and I right now, I'm going to need a lot more than luck.

An hour later I'm standing on her balcony. Her light is on; I can see her moving around her room. She's wearing a white tank top that highlights her tan and tiny denim shorts.

I wonder if she was with Sean tonight. I wonder if they're having sex. I think about Sean's hands on her exposed thighs. I feel nauseous.

Stop it, I tell myself. Focus. I take a deep breath and walk to her window. I knock.

Liz jumps and whirls around to face the window. She stares at me, like she's not sure I'm really here. For one horrible second I think she's going to leave me standing out here but then she shrugs and walks to the window and unlocks it.

I open the window and climb into her room. She's standing in the middle of it, swaying a little. She tilts her head. " What are you doing here Max?"

"Um... I kind of wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

"You, actually."

She stares at me. She's giving me this weird blank look that's making me feel totally uncomfortable.

"Liz? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine Max. Ah...Why exactly do we need to talk about me?"

Here goes nothing.

"Well, Maria-I mean us-we're all... We're worried about you."

She laughs, once, a harsh sound from the back of her throat.

"Really." She says disbelievingly.

"We never see you. You don't do things with us anymore." I point out.

"I'm working a lot." She shoots back.

"I know. But... Nobody knows what's going on with you lately. Maria misses you."

Liz rolls her eyes, like I'm already boring her. "She sees me every day at the Crash."

"She says you won't talk to her."

"She doesn't want to talk to me." She says petulantly. "She wants to talk to Michael." Neither of us misses the note of bitterness in her voice.

"Liz." I say softly. I take a few steps towards her.

She backs up and trips over herself, catching herself on the wall. "Whoops." She giggles softly.

I am suddenly reminded of what Maria told me. I look at Liz, with her messy hair and her glazed eyes and her flushed cheeks. Shit. Shit shit shit.

"Liz, please. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong Max." She widens her eyes, gives me her best innocent face.

"Come on. Just talk to me."

"Like you even care." She mutters, twisting away so I can't see her face.

Ouch. "Of course I care." I say gently. "I'll always care about you"

She looks at me suspiciously through slitted eyes and doesn't say anything.

"Look, I know things are messed up between us right now." Might as well say it. The tension between us is uncomfortably thick. "But if you weren't ok..or if you needed something, I'd want to know."

She works her jaw, like she's thinking something over. "So you just want to know if I'm ok? I'm ok! Ok?" She flails her arms around a little. "Don't I look ok?"

She doesn't, actually, but I can't tell her that. I decide to play one of my best cards. "Maria says you're not eating."

She blinks. She wasn't expecting that. "She said that?"

"Is it true?"

"Maybe. I don't know." She shrugs and crosses her arms.

"Ok." I say. I'm not surprised she's acting like this. She's as stubborn as I am.

"Have you thought about talking to someone about that?" I try not to sound as worried as I really am.

She leans her head against the doorframe of her bathroom. "Talk to who Max? Like a therapist?"

"Sure. If it'll make you feel better." I walk a little closer to her. She's practically in the bathroom by now; she can't run much farther from me.

She looks at me for a long, long time and then she shakes her head disbelievingly at me. She looks at me like I'm a stupid little boy. "You know I can't do that Max."

Great. Way to help Max. You've accomplished nothing.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" She suddenly glares at me.

"What? Why the hell would you ask me that?" How drunk is she?

"Don't you know what would happen to me if I talked to a therapist? If I told someone what really happened?" She's yelling now. This isn't good.

"If I said my alien ex-boyfriend's former wife murdered my best friend they'd lock me up in a fucking heartbeat!" She explodes.

She must be really drunk. She never says fuck. I feel like a moron.

"I'm sorry." I apologize. "I didn't think of that."

"Yeah." She says softly. She doesn't look mad anymore. She just looks sad. My hands itch to touch her face. Stop it, I tell them. Stop it.

"You could talk to me." I suggest.

She lifts an eyebrow and gives me the tiniest fraction of a smile. "You want to be my therapist, Max?"

I smile back at her. " That's probably not a good idea. But we could talk... You know, like friends." My heart is pounding. This is longest I've been alone in a room with Liz since the night before Alex's funeral.

She looks me straight in the eyes and then suddenly she audibly gasps and wraps her arms around herself. "I'm sorry Max. I can't talk to you about this." She looks down at her feet.

"Why not? We used to talk about everything." I don't understand why she's trying so hard to avoid telling me. It must be bad. Really bad. Liz was always comfortable playing the martyr.

" I just can't, ok? " She winces, like it's physically hurting her to talk about this.

"Yeah, ok." I run a hand through my hair and sigh. At least I tried. We managed to have a conversation that was mildly civil. For us, that's progress.

I look back at Liz and she is staring at me again. Her eyes go up to my hair, down to my lips and chest then back up again. "What?" I whisper. Why is she looking at me like this?

Her eyes soften. "Nothing." She bites her lip. "You look good." She giggles and leans her face in towards me. "You want to make out?"

What the fuck? Did she say that out loud?

"Omigod!" Liz shrieks and claps her hands to her mouth. "I can't believe I said that! I'm so sorry!" She starts to giggle again. "The look" she gasps "on your face." She is cracking herself up, doubled over at the waist. "Oh Max." She laughs, falling onto the floor.

Screw it. I get on the floor with her. Liz leans her shoulder against mine and laughs and laughs.

Finally she whispers , "Max?".

"Yeah?" I turn to face her and realize instantly that something is wrong. She's shaking and breathing really hard, like she can't catch her breath.

"Max?" Her voice quavers. She closes her eyes and tears start slipping down her face.

Jesus. "Okay." I say to Liz, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. " Lets go lie down." I try to pull her up but she is like dead weight. I sigh and pick her up and carry her to her bed. She weighs nothing. Maria was right; she can't be eating much.

As soon as I put Liz down she curls up into the fetal position. Her hand clutch her chest and she gasps, like she can't get any air. I have no idea what to do. I've never seen Liz lose control like this.

I sit next to her on the bed. I'm wondering if this is something that just has to run its course when her hand wraps around my arm.

"Max." She half sobs. "I can't breathe."

"If you can talk , you can breathe. " I remind her gently, taking the opportunity to wrap a few fingers around her wrist and feel her pulse. Of course it's through the roof.

"No!" Her grips tightens on my arm and suddenly our connection flares to life. I am almost physically knocked over by the waves of panic rolling off her. She's terrified.

I learn over and brush some of her hair out of her face. "I think you're having a panic attack." I say gently.

She nods, clutching my arm like a life line.

"Come sit here." I pat the space between my legs.

She doesn't move.

"Hey." I say, feigning indignation. "I healed you from being shot. I think I can handle this."

Liz swallows and crawls over to me. I settle her between my legs and lean her back against my chest. "Take deep, slow breaths." I instruct. "You're okay. I'm right here. Just breath."

She shakes and gasps and slowly, slowly she starts to calm down. "That's good. That's really good." I say softly. I resist the urge to trace the outline of her shoulder blades with my fingers.

Liz doesn't say anything. Her body feels limp against me. I grab her wrists and gently spin her around to face me. I don't want to say what I'm about to say, but I know she needs to hear it.

"Liz." I look her in the eye and take a deep breath. " Alex wouldn't want this for you."

Her eyes go round and she suddenly collapses at the waist. I have to catch her by her shoulders. She squeezes her eyes shut and scrubs her face with her hands.

"I know." Liz says hoarsely. "I know." She sits straight up and looks at me. "I don't want to talk anymore. I want to sleep."

I nod. She looks completely exhausted. I move to get up but she puts her hand over mine.

"Wait." Liz says. She's speaking so softly I can barely hear her. "Will you stay?"

My eyes instinctively go to her door and like she's reading my mind she says "Its fine, my parents are in Albuquerque for some restaurant conference"

"Ok." I say. "Yeah, sure."

"Thanks." Liz whispers. She gets up and suddenly bends over, pulling off her shorts. I am confronted by the image of her ass clad only in a lacy black thong. I think I'm having a heart attack. The girl I've loved since third grade is standing in front of me half naked, showing me more of herself than I ever saw those six perfect weeks we dated sophomore year.

She has to be screwing with me. Or she's so drunk she doesn't care. She brushes by me on the way to the bathroom and smirks at me. Ok, she's definitely screwing with me.

I take a deep breath. Mud, I tell myself. Think about mud. It's doesn't work. I, Max Evans, former king of an entire goddamn planet, am brought to my knees by the sight of my ex-girlfriend and teenage fantasy in a thong.

Liz comes back to bed and crawls under the covers. I switch off her lamp and get in next to her.

"Night Max." She mumbles against her pillow.

"Night Liz." I reply.

I remind myself to thank Maria profusely for making me do this, and promptly fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

LIZ

In my nightmare everything is burning. I wander the fiery streets, broken glass crunching under me. The air is thick with smoke. Everything around me is a blur of flame, broken down cars, buildings with blown out windows. I hear footsteps and I break into a run. They're coming for me, and I know if they catch me I'll die. We're all going to die. I run and I run while the world collapses around me.

Suddenly, my foot catches under something and I am sent sprawling. When I hit the ground I realize I tripped over a body. The smoke clears and I am looking into Alex's lifeless eyes. I scramble away from him and open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out.

A shadow falls over his pale face and I look up. Tess, in all her evil Barbie doll glory, is standing over me. I can't move; I am frozen in terror. She gets down on her knees and places her hands on either side of my face.

Tess nods in the direction of Alex's body and smiles coolly at me. "Care to join him?"

This time my scream echoes all around me.

MAX

I am jerked out of sleep by screaming. I instinctually roll over to grab my baseball bat when it dawns on me that I'm not in my bed. I'm not even in my own room. I'm in Liz's bed, with Liz in it, and she's sitting up ramrod straight screaming her fucking head off.

"Liz. Liz!" I lean over to her and tap her shoulder. Liz jumps about a foot and throws her arms in front of her face, like I'm about to attack her or something.

"Hey, Liz it's me! It's Max." I rub her arms gently. She feels so fragile, like I could crush her with my bare hands.

"Max," she murmurs. Her face looks vacant, like she's not really awake or aware of what's happening. And then with no warning Liz throws her arms around me and launches herself into my lap. I can feel her heart pounding.

I run my fingers through her hair and hold her against my chest. Her hands are digging into me, like she's trying to physically climb inside of me to hide.

"It was just a dream." I say softly. "It wasn't real, you were just having a bad dream."

"No. It's my fault. It's all my fault!"

"Hey!" I cradle her head in my hands and make her look at me. "It was not your fault." I say firmly. "It was Tess. It was all Tess."

Her face crumples. "You don't understand."

"Then help me understand."

"I already told you, I can't talk about it."

Something interesting occurs to me.

"Liz...Is this about the Kyle thing?"

You see, I have a suspicion about Kyle. It started awhile after I slept with Tess, when Liz made it clear she had no plans to forgive me.

Maria and I were eating on our respective lunch breaks together on a bench outside the Crashdown. I was complaining to Maria about Liz, about how long her silent treatment was going to last. I told Maria I didn't think she was being very fair. After all, Liz slept with Kyle first, effectively shoving me right in Tess's direction.

Maria responded by whacking me hard on the arm with her order pad, her blond curls flying everything.

"Hey! Is violence really necessary right now?" I love Maria, but I don't know how Michael puts up with all that feistiness.

"You slept with her mortal enemy Max! You slept with that skanky whore and you don't think it's fair that she hasn't forgiven you yet?!"

"Ok, ok I get it. I did a bad thing and I did it with the worst possible person I could do it with."

"So you aren't totally lacking in self awareness."

"Tess and I... It just happened. I don't feel good about it. But what Liz did was completely out of character."

Maria looked unimpressed. "Please don't tell me the basis of your argument is you have a penis, therefore we should expect you to stick it in every blond alien bitch-"

"Maria! Chill, would you? What I'm saying is, Liz isn't the kind of person to do... Well, what I did. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that her and Kyle, what they did, made any sense?"

And then Maria did the weirdest thing. She completely clammed up. She mumbled something about not getting stuck in the middle of Liz's boy problems and walked back into the Crashdown, leaving me to stare after her.

Now, here's the thing about Maria. She loves to gossip. She never shuts up, ever. Unless that is, she has a really good secret of her own. Then she becomes all strong, Teflon Maria and you'd have to torture her to get her to squeal.

That's when it hit me. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Liz never slept with Kyle.

I look at Liz, with her big brown tear filled eyes, and I wonder if that's the big secret she's afraid to tell me.

"You can tell me the truth, you know." I whisper to her. "If you want to."

She bites her lip and shakes her head quickly. I lean in and press my forehead to hers and she sighs, and neither of us says anything for a long, long time.

Liz

It's Sunday morning and I'm doing what I do every Sunday morning. I'm going to visit Alex.

I haven't seen Max since the night he slept over. He's probably avoiding me. He's probably telling Maria that I've finally cracked. After the show I gave who could blame him? Why did he have to come over when I was that drunk? Leave it to Max to come to me when I'm weak and vulnerable.

By some miracle Maria hasn't mentioned him to me once this weekend. She must be dying to talk about our sleepover. Nothing gets Maria going like juicy gossip.

She's been restraining topics of conversation to strictly work, pop culture, and food. She's being sweet and gentle with me, like I'm made of spun sugar. It's starting to really freak me out.

I get to Alex's headstone and lay the flowers I brought on the top of it. I sit down and cross my legs. It's beautiful here, quiet and green and still. Alex's death has made me morbid. I've become the girl that finds solace in cemeteries.

"Hey Alex, it's me." I whisper. Even though he can't talk back, I'd like to believe that he's out there somewhere, listening.

"I miss you. I really, really miss you. Things are so weird right now. Everything is such a mess. I'm a mess.

""I want to be with Max." I confess tearfully. "I feel like I'm dying when I'm not with him. But I know I can't have him.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! Tess was supposed to help us! She was supposed to stay with Max and help them fight. It's all my fault, Alex. I messed everything up and if I tell Max he'll hate me forever.

"I could really use your help Alex," I whisper. "I don't know if you're out there somewhere, but if you are please help me. Please help me fix it. You can team up with Grandma Claudia." The thought makes me smile.

I think of Max and how he held me after Grandma Claudia died and he didn't said anything, he just held me. It was the first time I felt safe, and understood, and cherished, and I never wanted him to let go.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the headstone. I am peacefully zoning out to the birds and the trees and the wind when I hear someone right by me clear their throat.

I look up and jump to my feet.

"Isabel!"

"Hi Liz." She says politely. "How are you?"

Oh I'm doing just swell, Isabel. I'm talking to dead people, your brother tried to do an intervention on me and now I can't stop fantasizing about him, and I'm pretty sure I have an alcohol abuse problem.

"I'm fine Isabel, how're you?"

"Um, ok I guess."

I was always intimated by Isabel. She seemed so perfect to me, to everybody. Isabel Evans with her perfect body and her perfect golden hair and her pretty popular friends draped across her like jewelry.

Looking at her in front of me, I realize Isabel doesn't look so perfect today. Her gorgeous hair is pulled off her face in a messy knot. Her nail polish is chipped.

"I'll just let you..." I gesture awkwardly towards Alex's grave.

"Oh. Yea, ok. Bye, Liz." She says in her perfect, breathy, princess voice.

I start to walk away but I stop and turn around to consider Isabel. She seems so different. The frozen ice queen act is gone. It's like she doesn't have the energy to give me attitude anymore.

I wonder when I last saw Isabel with her posse of blondes that more or less run our school. At least since before the Whitaker incident. I think about how lonely Isabel must have been after Alex died. Maria and I never invited her do anything with us. Not once.

I feel guilt begin to unfurl deep in my stomach. I think about the strange kinship Isabel and I share. We seem destined to love the same men; destined to both love a ghost.

I think about what Max said to me the other night. It hurt but he was right- Alex would want better of me. Alex deserves better.

"Hey Isabel, " I shout.

She turns around to look at me.

"Do you…would you want to get coffee sometime?" I stammer.

Isabel's face goes from shock to full on beauty pageant smile.

"I'd love to." She accepts graciously.

"Ah, ok. Great. Bye, Isabel,"

I walked out of the cemetery and I feel lighter. I feel like I might be alive again.


	3. Chapter 3

LIZ

The light, almost alive feeling lasts about three hours, until Max comes into the Crashdown during my shift and he doesn't look at me once. He slips into the kitchen to say something to Michael and then he leaves, without even glancing in my direction.

_He's mine, _I hear her whisper in my head. Shut up Tess. You already won. Stop haunting me.

My entire body hurts. I want to break something. I wonder if it's possible to die of a broken heart.

I call Sean after my shift ends and he takes me to some crappy townie bar out towards Hondo. He has a handful of friends who work there, so I don't get carded.

I do shots while Sean talks 'business' with his buddies. Business is whatever half assed get rich quick scheme they're cooking up this week. Next week it'll be something else.

I shouldn't be here. I should be at home, like the good little girl I used to be, before I fell head first into the alien abyss. I definitely shouldn't be at a bar getting wasted with Maria's juvenile delinquent cousin.

I want Max. I know it's wrong, but I want him anyway. I want Max to choose me over destiny, even though I can't let him. I want Max to make the darkness that has moved in since Alex died to go away. I want Max to look at me the way he used to, like I was his whole world. I want Max to kiss me.

The liquor is making me sentimental. That's good, I guess. At least I know I can still feel.

I walk over to Sean where he's standing with his friends and I tug at his sleeve.

"I want to go home!" I shout over the din of the music.

"What?" He shouts back.

"Take me home!"

"We just got here, Parker!"

I give Sean my scary waitress look, the one that gets customers to shut up when they start asking me if I've ever seen a real alien, like just because I live in Roswell I'm obviously an expert.

"Fine." He shakes hands with his buddies and we walk out of the bar. Sean doesn't say a word to me the entire ride home.

When we get back to Roswell Sean parks his car in the alley behind the Crashdown. He unbuckles his seatbelt and leans back in his seat, looking at me.

"You know, I don't get you Parker. You talk a good game, you like to have fun." Sean wiggles his eyebrows at me. "But we both know you're not into me. You're still hung up on Max."

"Sean, I... I..." I don't know what to say. I want him to go away. I just want to climb up my ladder, sit in a hot shower and cry until I don't feel like this anymore.

"Look, it's ok." Sean continues. "I knew how you felt when we started seeing each other. But that doesn't seem to be changing and I... I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"We're not doing anything, Sean." I say nervously. I have no idea where this speech of his is coming from. Until now I wasn't entirely sure Sean was capable of critical thinking.

"I know. That's kind of my point." Sean responds. "It doesn't seem like you're interested in me the way I'm interested in you."

Because I'm using you, you moron! I shout in my head. Drinking seems to bring out my inner bitch. Maria would be proud.

Sean reaches over to me and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"You're hot, Parker. And you know how to party." His eyes flick down to my navel and back up, lingering at my cleavage. A twisty thread of uneasiness wraps around my spine.

"But if that's all that you're offering, I'm not really interested."

Is he breaking up with me? But I'm not his girlfriend! We're barely dating!

"Aren't you going to say anything?" He sounds annoyed.

The interior light of his car spontaneously turns on and our eyes both snap up to look at it. The light goes off, then comes back on again, then flickers.

"... The hell." Sean reaches up and flicks the light. It makes a zpppt noise and he pulls his fingers back, swearing at the light like it's some enemy he's planning on taking down.

"Can I go now?" Let me go. Please, please just let me go.

Sean stares at me for a second, then looks away. "I'll see you later Parker."

"Bye." I practically run out of the car.

I climb up to my balcony and lo and behold, the king of Antar is waiting for me. Max is sitting on my lawn chair with his hands folded in his lap. He looks too comfortable, like he's been waiting awhile. Why does he only show up when I'm weak, and vulnerable, and drunk? He must have some sort of alien radar that can detect things like that.

"Here to take me to rehab?" I joke, swinging my legs over the wall of the balcony.

"I'm hoping it won't come to that." He says dryly.

"So what, you're just here to hang out with me?"

"Um, something like that." Max rubs his hands on his jeans. He looks nervous. I want to sit down but he's sitting in my chair. I could sit down next to him. I could sit down next to him and press my body against his broad strong chest... Don't go there! I scold myself.

"Do you want to sit?" He asks, swiveling to the side to make room for me. Thank God. I don't think I can stand much longer anyway.

"Sure." I say. I sit on the end of the chair, leaving a good foot of room between us. Space is good. When I get too close to Max I can't think straight.

"Can I ask you something?" Max looks uncomfortable. " I know it's none of my business but are you, you and Sean, are you guys..." He trails off. Spit it out, Max!

He takes a deep breath and starts over. "Are you sleeping with Sean?"

"Ew, no! That's gross, Max."

"Oh, good. That's good." He looks relieved. "In that case, there's kind of something I need to tell you."

"Is it alien related?" Because if it is, I don't want to hear it. I'm done with the alien crap. I've paid my price, thank you very much.

"No, no, nothing like that. I mean, yes in the sense that I am an alien and it involves me, but it's not anything about alien stuff in general." Max rambles. Max rambles when he gets nervous.

He gets up and walks around for a few seconds then turns back to face me.

"I'm not explaining myself very well. The thing is, I think I... I... I think I still have feelings for you."

I stare at him. I can't think. My entire body is frozen in shock.

"You..what?"

"I think I'm still in love with you." He stares down at his shoes.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

"No! Max, no!" I jump up.

"No, what? I'm telling you how I feel!"

"Well, maybe I don't want to know!" I exclaim.

"You don't want to know that I love you?" He says in disbelief.

My eyes fill with tears. Why does he always say things that make me cry? _Not like I love you_, I hear him in my head. Not like I love you.

"Liz, please." Max says, walking towards me. "Can we just talk about this?"

"No." I say shakily. "We can't."

"Goddammit!" Max explodes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why are you being like this?"

I'm like this because I gave up everything for you Max, and now I hate myself.

"This is about the Kyle thing." He says bitterly.

"Jesus Max, would you drop the Kyle thing already? Not everything is about you and your male ego." Wow, I am a bitch when I drink.

"No, I won't drop it." Max retorts. "Everything changed after that night. That's when it started. And Liz, I know what I saw but I just don't believe that's what really happened. I know you," he says softly. "I know you would never do something like that without a reason. An important reason. And you've never explained it, and I need to know. I need to know what really happened. I need you to tell me what happened."

A tear rolls down my face. "Please Max." I beg. "Don't ask that of me."

"I have to." Max's voice cracks. "I need to know. I deserve to know!"

"I can't Max! I'm sorry, I can't tell you." I sob.

"You can tell me anything! Just be honest with me!" He pleads.

I shake my head and Max steps close to me, too close, and studies my tear-streaked face.

"You did something. Something I don't know about." He whispers. "That's it, isn't it?" He tips my chin up and forces me to look at him. Max's eyes scan mine intensely and I shut them tight.

"I can still feel you Liz." He says in a low voice. I shiver. "I can feel your guilt."

"Stop it." I push him but he's stronger than I am.

"Tell me what you did, Liz."

"I said, stop it!" I try to sound strong but I feel like I'm going to shatter into a thousand pieces.

"Tell me!" He yells and I flinch and cover my ears. I know that it's over now. He's going to find out. One way or another, I know Max will get it out of me. He's too close to figuring it out to back down now.

He can't know. If Max finds out what I did he'll never forgive me, and if that happens I think that it might kill me.

"Please," I moan. "Please don't do this." I'm crying but Max just stands there and I realize how much I underestimated him. Max will never stop until he knows the truth. He's been just as consumed by this as I have.

Max loves me.

Max speaks again and his voice is scarily calm. "Why can't you tell me what happened?"

"Because!" I scream. "If I tell you, you'll never forgive me. I can live without you but I can't live with you hating me!"

Max opens his mouth to speak and suddenly there is a loud POP POP POP. Before I can process what's happening I'm on the ground and Max has one hand covering the back of my head. His other hand is straight above us, holding up a green force field. My Christmas lights have exploded and little glass shards are hovering at the edge of the force field. Max flicks his wrist and the shards fall harmlessly to the floor.

Max helps me up and we just stand there looking at the mess of glass. I have a cold feeling in my chest. I want to hold Max's hand but I'm too afraid to reach for it.

Max looks at me. His face looks pale. "Did you do that?" He whispers.

I think about the light in Sean's car. I think about how edgy I've been. I think about what Ava said, that I'd been changed.

I look at Max. He looks like he's going to throw up. I feel dizzy. Maybe we'll both throw up.

I whisper, "Yes."

MAX

I think I'm going to throw up. This isn't happening. This can't be happening.

Liz is pacing back and forth, a set, determined look on her face like how she gets when she's working on a bio lab.

"Liz." I whisper but she waves her hand at me dismissively and keeps pacing.

"Liz, please. I swear, I never... I never..." I don't know what to say. What do you say when you accidentally turn your ex girlfriend into an alien? Is she an alien? How much power does she have? Is her blood still the same? My head is spinning with questions.

Liz stops pacing. There is a steely glint in her eyes. "You never what Max? You never meant to change me? You never meant to ruin my life?" Her voice slides up at the end of her sentence and I can tell she's on the edge of losing it completely.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I say desperately. "I had no idea, I swear, when I healed you I had no idea this would happen."

"You did this to me!" Liz shrieks. "How could you do this to me?"

"Do this to you?" I shout back. "I saved you! At least you're alive!"

Liz reaches towards me wildly, like she's about to shove me, and I catch her wrists in my hands.

"How could you?" She repeats weakly. Her face is streaked with tears.

"I never meant for this to happen, you know I didn't." I try to speak calmly, for her sake, even though my stomach is churning with emotion. I remember Liz lying on the floor of the Crashdown, soaked in blood. How helpless she looked, her face turning paper white, as the life drained out of her. There was never a choice, not for me.

I thread my fingers through her hair and look down at her. Our faces are so close together our noses almost touch. "Leaving you to die on the floor was not an option. No matter what the price."

"I know." Liz whispers. She looks so broken and I am overcome by the urge to fix it, to make her laugh, anything to take away from the heaviness of this moment.

"It'll be ok." I run my fingers through her long silky hair. "We'll figure this out, I promise."

"Right." Her hand slips under my shirt and a rush of warmth floods through me.

"Liz?"

"I...I... Max..." And suddenly my mouth is crashing down on hers and I'll be damned, she still tastes like strawberries, and I am lost in her.


	4. Chapter 4

MAX

The next morning I sit in summer school in a total daze. I got back from Liz's at 3am and had four hours to lie in bed, mind racing, until I had to get up to go to school. I was more than grateful for the mug of Crashdown coffee Liz handed me when I picked her up this morning.

Liz insisted on coming to school with me. We're going to go to the bio lab when I'm done with class but right now she's in the library. Liz said she needed to do research. I have no idea what she expects to find in a high school library that could be helpful but she was determined anyway.

Liz has gone into full blown scientist mode. This is good because scientist Liz is calm and rational, qualities I was secretly worrying that Liz had lost for good. Liz once told me she loved science because it was clear cut and the answers were definitive. It was a world she could control.

Finally class is over and I walk to the library. I find Liz at a table with a bunch of fat textbooks spread out in front of her. Molecular Biology, Neurology, Neuropsychology, Abnormal Psychology. I get a headache just looking at them.

"Find anything good?" I rest my hands against the empty chair next to her. I study her face for a quick moment then look away before she can catch me. Even on no sleep she's gorgeous.

"Hey!" She flashes me a tight smile and tucks her dark hair behind her ears. "No, not really, but it was worth a try."

"Ready to go then?"

"Yeah, let's do it." Liz throws her bag over one shoulder and we leave the library and walk towards the bio lab.

"How's pre calc going?" She asks.

I groan dramatically and she giggles, and I feel my heart flutter in my chest.

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty bad. That's what I get for blowing off school last year."

"You know.." She twirls a strand of hair around her finger as we approach the lab. "I could help you, I mean, if you want.." Her voice trails off and she looks up at me. Liz blushes a little and looks back down.

"Yeah, that would that be great." I smile at her and stop as we get to the door. "You ready?"

Liz takes a deep breath and nods. "I'm ready."

Liz sets up a microscope and gets a slide. She dabs the inside of her cheek and wipes it on a slide before slipping the slide under the microscope. She looks totally calm but her hands are shaking.

"Hey." I put a hand on her shoulder. "Whatever happens, if it's not normal... I will find a way to make it okay. I promise you, it will be okay." It will be okay because it has to be okay. Anything less is unacceptable to me.

Liz smiles wryly at me. "I hope you're right." She leans over the microscope while I watch her nervously. My heart is pounding desperately in my chest. Please please, let her be ok.

Liz exhales sharply and rests her forehead in her hands. "Thank god." She mutters. "Thanks god."

"Normal?" Liz nods into her hands and I feel my entire body relax. "May I?"

She slides over and I take a look at her slide. Liz is right, her cells look completely human. It's the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen.

I feel giddy with relief and I sweep Liz up in my arms and press my cheek against hers. I remember last night and my abdomen tightens. Her soft lips on mine, the tender skin of her throat, her moaning my name in my ear...

"Max? You ok?"

I realize I'm still holding her and I drop my arms. "Yeah, just caught up in the moment I guess." I smile uncomfortably. "Look Liz, about last night."

"It's fine Max, we don't have to talk about it." She smiles uncomfortably back at me.

"Ok, it's just, if I made you uncomfortable, or anything, I wasn't planning on kissing you. It just kind of happened, you know? But if it made you feel weird, or I, I don't know, crossed a line or something, I'm really, really sorry." Jesus, I'm rambling like an idiot.

"It's really ok Max, we're..." She trails off.

"Friends?" I suggest.

A shadow crosses Liz's face and I mentally slap myself.

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"It's fine Max." It's not fine, and we both know it.

"No Liz, it's not fine. I never apologized to you for that."

"Max, you don't have to do this." She interrupts.

"Yeah, I do. I should have never said what I said to you that day. You didn't deserve that. Everything was just so messed up then. After Alex.." I feel myself start to choke up and I take a breath. I still can't shake that night. The desperation in Isabel's eyes. Alex's cold skin, too cold, under my fingertips.

"I felt so guilty that I couldn't bring him back, you know?"

Liz opens her mouth to interrupt me again and I press a finger to her lips.

"I know, I'm not God. Right?"

Liz smiles sadly and I continue.

"When you said that an alien killed Alex, I felt like you were accusing me."

"Max!" Liz looks horrified. "I never...that's not what I meant, at all!"

"I know. But I felt so guilty because I couldn't save him. The one thing I'm good for, and I couldn't do it. Anyway... You wouldn't drop it, and we were both so angry at each other. And then there was the whole Isabel thing. I felt like everything I had was slipping away from me, and when I saw you that day I just... I lost it. I totally lost it Liz, and I am so, so sorry."

"Oh Max." Liz sighs. "You're not the only one who messed up, you know."

"Is that your way of saying you forgive me?"

"I guess so." She leans her head in and rests it on my shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, it feels like everything might be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am! Remember, reviews are love :) **

LIZ

You can do this. You can do this, I tell myself. Come on, it's not so hard. You've done this a million times. Just suck it up and do it already!

When did talking to my best friend become so challenging?

Finally I screw up my courage and walk over to Maria. She's standing by the kitchen on her break, sucking down a coke and talking in a rapid fire pace to Michael, who is working the grill and clearly not listening to a word she's saying.

"Hey, 'Ria?" I say. "Do you have a second?"

"Sure " Maria says, following me into the break room. "What's up?"

"I, um, I was wondering..." What the hell is wrong with me? Have I really been spending so much time alone this summer that I've become completely socially inept?

"Do you want to sleep over tonight?" I blurt out.

Maria grins at me. "Hey Spaceboy!" She shouts. "I'm not coming over tonight. I have important matters of friendship to attend to!"

Maria slings an arm over my shoulder. "Will we be requiring ice cream?" She smiles devilishly at me.

"Oh yes." I laugh. "We will definitely need ice cream."

"Oh my god!" Maria shrieks, almost knocking her pint of Ben and Jerry's over. "He gave you POWERS?! Oh my god!"

"Maria, could you take in down a notch? My parents are right down the hall!"

"Take it down a notch? Seriously?" Maria's blue eyes are huge and her face is turning pink.

"Just calm down a little, ok?" I plead with her.

"Calm down? Max Evans turned you into a freaking alien and you want me to calm down?" Maria points her spoon accusingly at me. "You should be grateful I'm not running out of here screaming right now. You know, like LAST time you told me someone was a little green around the gills."

"Okay okay; point taken." I hold my hands up in mock surrender.

"How the hell did this even happen?" She asks me, and all I can do is shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Liz, how can you not know?"

"Because I don't, Maria! It's not like he did it on purpose."

"But your cells are still normal, right?" Maria asks anxiously.

"Yeah, they look totally human."

"Weird." Maria pops a scoop of Rocky Road in her mouth.

"I know. Nesado told them they were basically really advanced models of humans, like thousands of years in the future, and that's why they have powers. Theoretically it's possible for my brain to do what they do. Maybe when Max healed me he awakened that part of my brain." I muse. "Since the changes seem to be neurological, not biological."

Maria groans. "Can we cool it on the science lecture? I'd so rather talk about boys. But not Sean, ok?" She glares at me. "The idea of you and my cousin hooking up is nauseating."

I look down at my vanilla ice cream. "Sean and I aren't hanging out anymore."

"Thank you!" Maria exclaims. "So you dumped his loser ass?"

"Actually...he kind of broke up with me."

Maria stares at me for a second before she breaks into hysterical laughter. "HE... broke up…with YOU?" She cackles.

"Maria!" I whine.

"Ok, ok." She wipes her eyes. "Tell Auntie Maria all about it."

"It's not a big deal. He, um, he thought I was still kind of into Max."

"Duh. Like that was even a question."

"Maria!"

"Liz, please. You think I don't see you two and the little staring contest you've got going on at work? He wants you, you want him, it's embarrassingly obvious really . Why don't you guys make out and get it over with already?"

I feel myself blush and Maria gasps and kicks me lightly. "You little slut! You made out with him and you weren't going to tell me?"

"It wasn't like that!" I protest. We were both upset and Max just kissed me, out of nowhere. It probably doesn't even mean anything."

Maria raises an eyebrow at me. "Since when does Max do anything he doesn't mean?"

She has a point.

"Even if it did mean something, it doesn't matter. We all know that Max and I can't be together." I swallow uncomfortably and stuff a full scoop of ice cream in my mouth before I can start crying.

"If you start spouting that destiny shit, Liz, I swear to god, I will smack you."

"Maria, it's over, ok? Max and I, we can't be together. He needs to find his son, and I...I can't take that away from him. I can't stop Max from being the person he's meant to become. I can't let him give everything up for me." I press my fingers to my temples like that will make the dizziness stop.

Maria is staring at me like I have antennas sprouting out of my head. "Liz." She whispers. "You don't know?"

"Know what?" I ask apprehensively.

Maria covers her mouth with her hands. "I can't believe it. Max didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what? What the hell is going on?"

Maria looks at me seriously. "Max isn't looking for them."

I feel my jaw drop. Max would never abandon his child. Even if it's also Tess's child. I feel an ache deep in my stomach. Somewhere out there is a child with Max and Tess's DNA intertwined together, forever.

"A couple days after Tess left they picked something up on Brody's scanner." Maria explains. "Something crashed outside of Phoenix. Max and Michael drove out there to check it out."

"Did they find anything?" I'm afraid to hear the answer.

"Well." Maria sighs. "The whole damn thing blew up on impact apparently, but they found traces of an some blue substance that couldn't be identified." She raises her eyebrows pointedly.

Holy shit. "Gandarium?"

"Probably. Max and Michael think so."

"So... Tess is dead?"

"If it was the ship, then yeah, she would have been incinerated." Maria snorts. "Just like she deserved."

I flop back on my bed. "Whoa. " I carefully feel out the idea of Tess being dead. I've been thinking about this moment-fantasizing about it if I'm being honest with myself-and now that it's here I just feel numb.

I thought if Tess died it would feel different. That I would feel vindicated, like justice had been done. Or at least relieved, knowing Alex's killer was gone forever. But all I can think about is Tess's porcelain skin and icy blue eyes being licked apart by flames. I shudder.

"See?" Maria taps my foot with hers. "She's gone Liz . Forever gone. All you have to do is say the word and Max is yours." She grins widely at me.

"I don't know." I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "Things are still...complicated."

"You are so over thinking this babe. FBI? Gone. Skins? Gone. Tess? Gone! If you really think you and Max aren't getting back together you are seriously deluded." She shoots me a smug look.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really! You two are incapable of keeping your hands off each other."

She has me there.

"Besides, you're gonna be spending a lot more time together now."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't he going to help you with your powers? You know, teach you the ways of his people?" Maria giggles.

I squirm uncomfortably. "Actually I asked him if Michael could help me."

Maria wrinkles her nose. "Why the hell would you want Michael to help you? Max is way better at that stuff, trust; me. You do not want to know how many kitchen appliances Michael has blown up trying to cut corners by using his powers."

"I'm not ready to do that with Max, I think it would be too intense, you know? Besides, my powers seem to be of the, ah, exploding variety."

"What, you're worried you'll blow Max's head of?"

"Maybe."

"Oh, but it's ok if it's my boyfriend's head? That's really nice of you." Maria blindsides me with a pillow to the side of my head.

"Hey!" I throw the pillow back at her. Within two minutes we've regressed to a junior high level pillow fight and I completely forget about Tess.


	6. Chapter 6

LIZ

I'm sitting in the passenger seat of the Jetta, which is parked outside the Crashdown. I'm waiting for Michael, who is standing on the sidewalk talking to Max. Maria loaned us the Jetta so we can drive out to the quarry where it's secluded to test out my powers.

Snippets of Max and Michael's conversation float through the open car window.

"I swear, if you"

"Relax Maxwell"

"I mean it Michael"

Max looks frenetic, Michael stoic. They finish talking and Michael walks around the front of the car and slides into the driver's seat.

Max leans his head in though my window. "Be careful, okay?" He drops a kiss on my forehead. "You too Michael, I mean it."

"Don't get your panties in a twist Maxwell, I'll bring her back in one piece," Michael says, in typical Michael fashion.

"You better," Max says. He taps the roof of the car with his hand and we drive away.

"I'm missing the hockey game for this, you know," Michael says as he steers us towards the highway.

"Sorry," I mutter. I've been in the car for two minutes and I already feel uneasy. Michael has that effect on people.

Michael shrugs. "Don't worry about it. When the king calls..."

"Right." I wonder when that happened exactly, Michael falling into his role of second in command. If I'm dating a king, what does that make me? I'm definitely no princess, that's for sure. Although Isabel could probably teach me a few things about that.

When we get close to the highway Michael cuts the wheel sharply and turns the car around. We double back for a while, driving through alleys and a maze of one way streets, before we approach the highway again and Michael eases the car onto it.

I turn around in my seat and look behind us but I don't see anything suspicious. "Are we being followed?" I ask Michael nervously.

"Nah, just taking extra precautions." He smirks at me. "Precious cargo."

"Ha-ha." I say dryly.

"So how're you doing with all this, anyway?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the road. "Must be weird."

"Yeah it's pretty surreal, I guess."

"You're not freaking out, are you? 'Cus Maria," Michael shoots me a conspiratorial glance, "she's freaking out."

I lean my head against the window and watch the rocks from the quarry get larger as we drive towards them. "Maria freaks out about everything."

"Don't I know it," Michael says under his breath.

I realize this is the most one on one time I've ever had with Michael. This is the most we've talked to each other all summer. It's nice, I realize. Michael is different, like how Isabel is different. He's still got the attitude but he's softer, somehow. Less intimidating.

I wonder how much I missed before the alien abyss pulled me back into its orbit. What was everyone else doing while I was drowning my grief in vodka? My chest tightens as I realize how much I miss my friends. I even miss stupid, smirking stonewall Michael Guerin. Michael, with his ridiculous hair. Michael, who makes my best friend glow.

I kept myself away from them and for what? Because I felt guilty? I wince as I think of how terrible a friend I've been.

Now that I have powers everything has changed. I'm bound to them now. I belong to them, in a way I didn't before. Whether or not I wanted this, it's not my choice anymore. Why didn't future Liz have powers? Future Max would have told me if she did, wouldn't he?

My head starts spinning as I think of all the possible explanations for my question. The dizziness is back and I clutch the side of the door to try to steady myself.

Michael parks the car and looks at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I gasp, trying to get myself under control.

"But you're crying." Michael says gently, pointing to my face and looking mildly horrified. Nothing makes Michael more uncomfortable than tears.

I touch my face and he's right, my cheeks are wet. "I'm sorry." I sniff. "I guess I'm kind of overwhelmed."

Michael reaches out and awkwardly pats my arm. "Come on, I know what will make you feel better."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah." Michael grins and runs his hands together. "Let's go blow some shit up!"

MAX

"She's strong man." Michael says, reaching over me to pick up a slice of pizza. We're supposed to be watching some hockey game Michael missed earlier, but I've been interrupting to ask about Liz, much to Michael's chagrin. For someone who's disdainful of humanity as a whole, Michael sure a hell drank the organized sports Kool-Aide. Trying to have a conversation with him during a game is an exercise in futility.

"How strong?" I ask.

"I don't know, strong strong?" His eyes are glued to the screen.

"Would it kill you to be a little more specific?" I ask, annoyed.

"Okay," Michael says, putting his pizza down and turning to face me. "We were out there for two, maybe two and a half hours. And aside from the time it took to show her how to aim-which took her all of five minutes to get-she hit every target I gave her without stopping."

"She blasted rocks for two hours straight?" I ask, incredulous.

"Without breaking a sweat."

"Oh come on," I scoff. That's impossible. None of us are remotely that strong.

"I'm serious. It was scary."

"You, scared of Liz Parker?" I laugh.

"That girl is not Liz Parker. The old Liz couldn't blow my head off, which she is completely capable of doing now and god help me if Maria finds out."

"So you're saying I turned her into a human weapon." Great. Just fucking great.

"She could be Tess 2.0." Michael says quietly.

My back stiffens. "Don't talk about her like that."

"I didn't mean it like that man. I'm just trying to impress upon you the amount of potential she has, that I saw anyway. She's gonna need you, you know. That girl has way too much power for her own good."

I pick at my pizza crust. "Liz doesn't want my help."

Michael shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. She needs to learn some control, or she could really do some damage. And we know control isn't really my thing. Someone's got to make sure she doesn't accidentally blow up the Crashdown or something, right?"

I lean back and rest my head against the couch. "Remember when our lives were easy and all we had to worry about was the FBI?"

"Yeah, I don't think a group meeting is going to help this time." Michael says sardonically.

"Everyone knows about her anyway. Well, I don't know about Kyle." I groan. "Like the guy needs another reason to hate me."

Out of nowhere Michael's fist connects with my shoulder. "What the hell, man?"

"Kyle." He says, his mouth hanging open.

"Right, Kyle Valenti." I say slowly. "Hates my guts, thinks I ruined his life."

Michael is shaking his head. "No Maxwell. KYLE," he says emphatically, like I'm missing something that's clearly obvious to him.

The pieces go click click click in my head and I gasp and stare at Michael.

"Buddha boy is going to freak." Michael sounds delighted.

If my life really is the cosmic joke that it's turning out to be, God must have one hell of a sense of humor.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Review if you like it!**

MAX

A few days later, after finishing my shift at the UFO museum for the night, I walk across the street to the Crashdown to see Liz. She and I haven't talked since the day she went to the quarry with Michael. I'm pretty sure Liz is avoiding me but I'm not going to let her run away again. Not when I'm so close to getting her back.

The sign on the Crashdown door says 'Closed' but I knock anyway. I had Michael check Liz's schedule and she's closing tonight so I know she's here. Sure enough, I hear the click of the lock and Liz opens the door.

"What are you doing here Max?" She asks, but she has an amused little smile on her face, like she was expecting me to show up here. In the back of my mind I wonder if Liz can feel me, the way I still feel her through our connection.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I offer. "It's not too hot tonight."

"Oh! Yeah, sure, I'm pretty much done closing." Liz looks surprised but she recovers quickly. "I just need a minute to change." she says, and she slips out of the room.

I slide into a booth and wait for what feels like an eternity but according to the clock is only four minutes, when Liz walks back in through the employee entrance.

She's wearing a West Roswell High tee shirt that, based on its size, used to belong to either Alex or Kyle, and those tiny denim shorts again. The amount of thigh they reveal makes me feel lightheaded. Her hair has been released from its ponytail and silky chocolate strands float around her face.

I have to grip the edges of the booth so that my hands can't reach out to slide my fingers through it. When Liz and I dated my love of her hair bordered on obsession. I can't even explain why, except that it's one of those things that makes her uniquely her, and therefore it became precious to me.

"Ready." Liz announces, jarring me out of my fantasy. I jump out of the booth to hold the door open for her. "Thanks." She says lightly, gliding out the door, and I follow her out into the warm night air.

We walk through town without talking and end up at the old playground halfway between our houses. I drop into a swing and Liz follows suite. I dig the toes of my shoes into the sand and look at Liz, who is staring up at the stars thoughtfully.

"I need to talk to you about something." I say.

"That's not a very promising opening sentence." Liz comments.

I sigh. I already know this conversation is not going to go over well.

"We have a problem. It's about Kyle."

Liz frowns at me. "What kind of problem?"

"You were the first person I healed, but you weren't the only one." I say softly.

I watch Liz as comprehension dawns on her face. To her credit, she figures it out a lot faster than I did.

"No," she whispers fiercely. "Max, no."

"I know. But I healed him months after you." I point out. "At least we have time to prepare him, if it happens to him."

"I don't think that's going to make him feel any better."

"Liz-"

"Just don't, okay?" She says wearily. Liz bends over and rests her forehead on her knees. Her dark hair cascades forward, covering her face. "God, I'm so selfish." The sound of her voice is muffled under all her hair. "I didn't even think about what this meant for him."

"Hey, don't do that." I reach out and rest a hand lightly on her back. "You've had enough to deal with this week, you shouldn't feel guilty."

"Easier said then done." Liz pulls her hair away from her face and gives it a good shake as she sits back up.

"Yeah, I know." I squeeze her shoulder. "How about you let me feel guilty for this one, okay?"

Liz nods miserably. A lone tear slides down her face and she wipes it with the back of her hand. "I'll tell him."

"I think that would be best."

Liz looks at me sharply. "He's my friend, Max."

"I know." I say, a little defensively. "Tell him I'm sorry." And I am, I am really fucking sorry. Kyle and I don't necessarily get along, but he doesn't deserve this.

Liz and I sit in silence for a few minutes before she twists her swing towards me. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." It's not like I have any secrets left.

"Why didn't you tell me about Tess?" Liz asks in a hard little voice.

Oh shit. Except that one.

"Michael told you?" I ask, buying a little time.

"Maria."

"Oh." I sigh. I was definitely not anticipating this conversation tonight. "I don't know. I thought for awhile maybe it would be better not to tell you."

"What?" Liz asks, bewildered. "How could that be better for me?"

"When it happened, you and I weren't talking." I begin to explain. "You weren't really talking to anyone. You were so sad, and I thought maybe this was your chance, you know? To escape from all this. Get a second chance at normal."

Liz smiles wistfully at me. "What's so great about normal?"

"Normal isn't dangerous." I counter. "Knowing me has brought so much pain into your life and I thought if I left you alone maybe your life would be better. Better without me."

"But that's not your decision, Max." Liz speaks softly. "I know you like to control things." She gives me a knowing look. "But you have to let me make my own choices."

"I know." I look down at my feet. "Im sorry." Sometimes I feel like I'm going to spend the rest of my life apologizing.

"Max." Liz looks at me seriously. "I'm so sorry about the baby."

My breathe catches in my chest. Thinking about my son fills me with despair and relief in equal measure. The whole thing happened so fast that sometimes I think I imagined it. With Tess gone I see everything clearly again, and it makes me question those last few months she was here.

"Max? Are you ok?"

I clear my throat. "I'm fine." I say painfully.

"Are you sure?" Liz asks hesitantly and I shrug.

"Sometimes I think it's better this way."

"What do you mean?" Liz looks confused.

"I can't exactly see Tess as mother of the year, can you?"

"Yeah, she wasn't exactly nurturing." Liz's mouth is twisted in an ironic smile.

"She didn't give a damn about any of us. All she cared about was getting home. And power probably. Carrying the heir would give her a lot of cache up there. She must have thought it was worth it, since she was willing to sacrifice us to cut a deal." I say bitterly. "My loving wife, right?" I grimace. "I'm a fucking idiot for ever trusting her."

I look up at the stars, twinkling innocently in the sky. Somewhere up there is Antar. Kings and queens, evil rebels, palaces shining under a pink sky. It doesn't feel like my home. It doesn't even feel like a real memory, as much as Tess tried to get me to remember. It just feels like a bad dream.

"Sometimes I wonder if he was even real." I say quietly.

"Your son? But you connected to him."

"I thought I did."

"You think Tess mind warped you? Are you sure that's even possible?" Liz asks gently.

"Isn't it? Look at what she did to Alex, to Kyle. We had no idea how powerful she was until it was too late."

"But why would she do that?" Liz exclaims. "That's crazy!"

"No, it's smart. She needed me to come with her, right? I was her ticket home. Tess knew I would never leave Earth for her. She needed something better, something I wouldn't be able to walk away from."

"A child." Liz whispers.

"It's a pretty foolproof plan, isn't it? It's not like I could make her take a pregnancy test."

"Wow." Liz says. "That takes devious to a whole new level."

"That was her style. Manipulating innocent people. And she was obsessed with all that royal shit. I bet she loved the idea of an heir, it would have guaranteed her a throne. She would have done anything to go home."

"I wonder about that a lot." Liz says. "Why she didn't just kill me."

My head whips around to stare at her. "Kill you?" I choke out.

"Well it was all about me, from her perspective. Wasn't it? You choosing her over me. I was the only real threat to her getting what she wanted."

I reach out to take Liz's hand and squeeze it tightly. "She didn't kill you because she understood how much I love you. If she touched a hair on your head I would have killed her, without hesitating." Sometimes I regret not doing it when I had the chance.

Liz nods and squeezes my hand back. "You know I still love you too, right?"

I smile into the darkness. "Yeah, I know."


	8. Chapter 8

LIZ

"Please?"

"I don't know..."

"Isabel, please? Come on, I'm begging you."

Isabel puts her cup of coffee down and brushes imaginary crumbs off her designer jeans. "Conflict resolution isn't my thing."

I finally made good on my offer to get coffee with Isabel and we're sitting at the counter in the Crashdown getting wired on caffeine. A perk of living above your parents' restaurant-free bottomless coffee. I'm trying to convince Isabel to come with me when I go talk to Kyle but she isn't biting.

"Isabel, I need someone to go with me. Preferably someone with a little power. What if he freaks out and I can't handle him on my own?" Okay, maybe I'm just a chicken, but Isabel doesn't need to know that.

"Why do I have to go? Make Max do it, it's his fault anyway."

"Are you kidding? Max, Kyle and I in one room together? No thank you."

"I guess that would be awkward." Isabel concedes.

"And I can't bring Michael, because he's, well..."

"Completely devoid of tact?"

"Yes! Exactly. See, I need you. You're the only non scary..."

"Czechoslovakian?" Isabel teases, using Alex's old code word.

"So you'll do it?"

"Ugh, why am I always cleaning up my brother's messes?" She grumbles.

"You'll just there for moral support, I swear!"

"Fine, fine, I'll do it."

"Isabel, if I thought you would let me I would hug you right now!" I smile happily.

"Am I that off putting? Just because I'm not technically human doesn't mean I'm completely incapable of feeling emotion."

"Isabel, did you just admit to having feelings?" I gasp for dramatic effect.

Isabel giggles. "Don't tell anyone."

"Don't tell anyone what?" An arm curves around my shoulders and I look up into warm amber eyes.

"Max!"

"Hi." He smiles at me and I am instantly transported back in time, when Max and I were together and the world faded away when I was near him. Nothing existed except him, and I couldn't get enough.

"Okay, that's my cue to go." Isabel hops off her stool and hoists her bag onto her shoulder.

"Hey, you don't have to go." I protest, already feeling guilty.

Isabel gives me a knowing smile. "Really, it's fine. I have to go anyway, I have a job interview at that new boutique on Main Street."

"Oh okay. Thats great Isabel, I'm sure you'll get it."

"Me too," she says with typical Isabel confidence. "Bye baby bro." She slings an arm around Max's waist and gives him a half hug. "Liz, we'll do that thing tomorrow?"

"That'd be great, thanks Isabel."

"Okay, bye guys!" She gives us a little pageant wave and walks out of the restaurant.

Max stares at Isabel's retreating figure. "Okay, what the hell was that?"

"What?" I ask innocently. "We were just having coffee."

"So you're like...friends now?"

I shrug. "I guess so. We both kind of realized we could use all the friends we can get."

Max shakes his head in disbelief. "Weird."

"She's not so bad, once you get past the ice cold exterior."

"Whatever you say." He hops onto the stool vacated by Isabel.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" He asks me.

"Not that I'm aware of." I feel the beginning of a smile creep over my face.

Max takes my hand in his and laces his fingers through mine. "Have dinner with me tonight?" He asks earnestly. "Senior Chows?"

Senior Chows. Where we had our first date. He remembered, but of course he would. It was the same night Michael almost died and Max broke up with me on my balcony.

"Hey." My palm gets squeezed, jolting me back into reality. "You ok?"

"Sorry... It was just.."

"Bad memory?" Max's thumb strokes the back of my hand.

"Something like that."

"So, dinner?"

I sigh inwardly. I'm so tired of fighting. Fighting Max, fighting destiny.

I find myself longing for the girl I used to be. A girl who saw stars when Max kissed her. A girl who didn't agonize over a dinner date, wondering how this minor decision could affect the fate of the world.

What the hell. How much more could I possibly screw things up?

"Okay," I say tentatively.

Max leans in and gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek that still somehow feels totally sexual. "Pick you up at seven?"

"Mmmkay." I mumble against a the warm column of his throat. Being this close to him makes me ache with longing. Some things never change.

"See you then." Max pulls away, taking his warmth with him.

"Great." I say weakly. Get it together, Parker. It's just dinner. We're friends. Friends can eat dinner together. You're getting worked up over nothing.

Seven cannot come soon enough.

"Tonight was fun," Max says, pulling his car up in front of the Crashdown.

"You had fun getting your ass kicked in pool?"

"Maybe I enjoy watching you handle a stick." Max grins widely and I roll my eyes at him.

"I bet you do." My eyes flick towards my family's apartment. "I should probably go inside."

"Sure." Max's eyes lock in on mine. My peripheral vision goes dark and all I can see are his eyes, eyes that literally see into my soul. How can I give up the only person who truly knows me, inside and out?

A hand reaches out to cup the back of my head as he gives me a featherlight kiss on the lips. My insides start to melt as his lips carefully brush against mine. "Goodnight." He whispers into my ear.

"Goodnight." I breathe, and I float all the way up to my front door.

"Hi, sweetie!" My mom calls out as I step inside. I walk down the hall where my parents are snuggled on the couch.

"Hey guys." I stand awkwardly at the edge of the room. The divide between me and my parents only increased after I lost Alex. I sleep in their house, eat meals with them, work in their restaurant, but they don't know me at all.

"Where were you, honey?" My father asks. Jeffery Parker, ever the family watchdog. If he had it his way I'd be locked in my room until it was time to ship me safely off to Harvard.

"I went out to dinner." I twirl a strand of hair nervously around my finger.

"With Kyle?" My mother asks hopefully. She has a not so secret belief that we should get back together. She never misses an opportunity to bring him up. Kyle Valenti: sheriff's son, football star, town hero.

My mother loves Kyle. He's the perfect on paper boyfriend. She doesn't know that between Tess and I, Kyle's heart has probably been pulverized beyond repair.

It's kind of a miracle that he and I became actual friends. I guess saving the world from evil blue alien crystals creates a lasting bond.

"No, I was actually, um... I was with Max." I hang my head and wait for the shit to hit the fan.

Predictably, the mention of Max's name makes my father's face start to turn red.

"Elizabeth, we've talked about this. We don't want you hanging around him."

"It was just dinner, we're not dating again," I say sullenly.

"I don't care what you are, I don't want you seeing him!"

"I'm not a child, you can't tell me who to be friends with!"

"I can while you're living under my roof!" My father roars.

"Alright, both of you," my mother snaps. "Look, honey, we just want what's best for you."

"How could you possibly know what's best for me? You don't even know me!"

"That's enough young lady!" My father points an angry finger at me. "Now Lizzie, that boy is trouble. Look at what's happened to you since you came back from Florida last summer. Your grades dropped, you lock yourself in your room for hours, you sleep all day. Something isn't right with you, and we know Max has something to do with it!"

"My friend died! What you want from me? I'm not allowed to be sad?" I shriek.

"This has been going on for months, don't you bullshit me Elizabeth!"

A rushing fills my ears and I feel the air crackle with electricity. The feeling is so intense it's like it's inside me and I feel my heart beat faster in anticipation.

The lamp closest to my father starts to glow brighter. I watch in shock as rivers of green light snake up the base of the lamp. When they hit the bulb there is a loud pop and a blinding flash of alien green light before it goes out altogether.

My knees buckle and I stagger towards my room, ignoring the screams of my parents to turn around. I slam my bedroom door shut and flip the lock before sliding down the door to hit the floor in a crumpled heap.

My fingers are tingling painfully and I look down at my hands. Trails of green light run from my palms down to my fingertips.

I hold my hands in front of my face and stare, mesmerized. The scientist in me is in a state of fascinated awe, while the rational part of me protests against what should be impossible.

I feel panic engulf me and I pull myself up shakily. I kick off my sandals as I stumble to the bathroom. I crouch in front of the cabinet under the sink and pull it open.

"Come on come on come on." I mutter, my fingers digging past a blow dryer and bottles of lotion before my hand closes around the cool neck of the bottle. My in case of emergency bottle. My ice cold, chilled glass secret.

I pull it to my chest and sit back against my bathtub. I put the bottle to my lips and hesitate only for a second before I take a long pull of vodka.

I relish the familiar burn as it goes down. Relief sweeps over me and I feel every muscle in my body relax. I rest a glowing hand on my chest and press it against my heart, willing it to slow down.

I take another swig from the bottle and cough painfully.

I know I should call Max, but I just can't. I don't want to face how bad this is. For the first time I really understand how afraid he must have been as a child. Always hiding a secret that could be exposed at any moment.

My limbs feel heavy. I want more than anything to sleep, but my dreams are haunted by ghosts. Even in death Tess Harding refuses to leave me alone. She may be gone but destiny clearly isn't done with me yet.

Maybe I'll call him.


	9. Chapter 9

MAX

She calls me late, way past midnight.

I'm just getting ready for bed; when I got back from dinner Isabel sucked me into watching some gooey chick flick marathon with her. Only my sister can manipulate me into watching that crap.

I see her name flash urgently on my phone's screen, Liz Liz Liz Liz, and I get a little thrill at the anticipation of hearing her voice as I answer.

"Hey." I smile to myself.

"Max?"

"I'm here."

"Max?" She asks again. Her voice sounds funny.

"Liz, what's wrong?"

"I need"- the line crackles - "please help."

"Are you still at home?"

"Yeah."

"Stay there, I'll see you in ten minutes."

I throw on a pair of jeans and shove my feet into the first pair of shoes I see. I make sure my bedroom door is locked before climbing out my window.

I back the Chevelle quietly out of the driveway and wait until I'm halfway down the block to turn my lights on. I speed through town and eight minutes after Liz called me I'm pulling my car around behind the Crashdown.

I park under her balcony and scale the ladder like some intergalactic Romeo. Ever since Liz gave me her 'I love you but I don't want to die for you' speech I've hated that stupid play.

Her window is locked. I place my hand over the window and use my powers to unlock it. I slide the window open and haul myself inside.

Her bedroom is empty.

My stomach twists in fear as I imagine all the possible things that could happen to Liz in eight minutes. Nicholas's face floats to the front of my mind and I swallow bile.

Okay, don't panic, I tell myself. You're a king, start thinking like it. Somewhere buried deep in your brain, inside Zan's memories, is training. Be calm and let it kick in.

I take a few deep breaths and shake my shoulders out. Objective: locate Liz. Step one, asses your surroundings.

I slowly rotate 360 degrees, taking in her room. Her bed is made; everything seems to be in its place. There's no sign of a struggle. Where the hell is she?

I realize there is light spilling out from the crack under her bathroom door. I hold my breath as I push the door open, revealing a small figure crumpled against the bathtub.

"Liz!" I rush over and crouch down to get a good look at her. Liz pulls her head up off her shoulder and squints at me.

"Max? What are you doing here?" she croaks.

"You called me ten minutes ago." I scan her body but she doesn't look hurt, which doesn't help me understand why she's lying prone on the bathroom floor.

"I did?" Liz's brow wrinkles in confusion. Her eyes drift to her phone, which is lying on the floor a foot away from her. "Huh. How about that."

"You don't remember?" I ask worriedly.

"Remember?" she parrots.

"Liz, you called me. You were upset." I scan her face nervously. "What's wrong with you? Why are you so out of it?"

"It hurt but now it doesn't. I was so scared." She tips her head forward to nuzzle my neck, and then I smell it.

"You were drinking again." I gently push Liz off me and open her garbage can. She didn't even hide it well. I pull out the vodka bottle and examine it. Empty.

"I'm sorry." Liz whispers, more to herself than to me.

"How much did you have?"

Liz holds her hands apart, indicating somewhere between half and the entire bottle.

I rub my temples and take a deep breath. "What happened? You were fine when I dropped you off."

Liz waves her hands at me and for the first time I see the green lights trailing down them. "Tada! Look Max, I'm an alien!"

"Yeah, I heard." I take her hands in mine to study the eerie green lights. "Does it hurt?"

Liz shakes her head. She brings her fingers to her face and pats her cheeks. "Not anymore. I can't feel anything," she giggles.

I study her palms, the epicenter of the green light. "When did this happen? Were you using your powers?"

Liz bites her lip. "I blew up a lamp," she says guiltily. "On accident," she adds.

Oh no. Looks like Michael's theory about Liz's powers was dead on. I feel my stomach sink.

"Are your parents home?"

"Yeah. They saw me do it but I don't think they know what they saw." Liz's eyes grow rounder. "I'm in so much trouble."

"Let's deal with that tomorrow. Come on, we've got to get out of here before your parents see your hands. Where are your shoes?"

Liz shrugs and I go into her room, where I see a pair of sandals lying haphazardly on the floor. I carry them back to Liz and hold my hand out for her feet.

"Like Cinderella!" Liz smiles as I slip her feet into her sandals.

"Don't go turning into a pumpkin on me. Come on, let's go."

Liz stays exactly where she is and pouts at me. "Don't wanna get up."

"Liz come on, we've got to get you out of here before your parents notice what's going on."

"But I like it here." Liz trails her hand along the floor, watching the green lights scatter across the white tile. "The floor is nice," she says seriously.

"Sure it is. Can you stand up?"

Liz holds her arms out to me. "Carry me?" she asks, batting her eyelashes for effect.

"You're a pain in the ass when you're drunk, you know." I bend down to scoop her up.

"I know." Liz beams and ruffles my hair affectionately. "But you love me anyway."

Michael's front door swings open before I can knock. He must have been waiting for us since I called and woke him up on the drive from the Crashdown.

"Come on in," he mutters groggily. I carry Liz across the threshold and Michael frowns.

"What happened to her?"

"I'll explain later, she just needs a place to crash for the night."

"You look like shit." Michael informs Liz, who lifts a middle finger to flip him off.

"Screw you, Guerin," she slurs, as I deposit her on Michael's couch.

Michael's eyes widen. "Is she drunk?"

"As a skunk. Ha ha, I rhymed!" Liz flops back on the couch with a self satisfied look on her face.

Michael shakes his head at Liz. "Didn't you get the memo? Aliens have to stay off the sauce."

"I'm not a real alien, I just have the cool side effects. I can drink as much as I want." Liz snits.

Michael turns to me. "Is that true?"

"Apparently."

"That is so unfair. How much did she drink?"

"At least half a bottle of vodka." I don't want to think about how much Liz must be drinking this summer to develop that kind of tolerance.

Michael whistles. "Wow Liz, you could give Hank a run for his money."

"Don't compare me to that loser," Liz says defensively. "I'm not an alcoholic."

"Looks like you're well on your way." Michael comments.

Liz gives him a death glare. "Fuck you, Michael."

"Hey, look whose bitchy side came out to play." Michael crosses his arms against his chest.

"Like you're a shining pillar of humanity."

"At least I don't smell like a bar."

"Like you don't smell, you Jesus haired hippie freak!"

"Way to hit me where it hurts, Liz." Michael's voice is dripping in sarcasm.

"God Michael, just shut up!"

"Make me." Michael gives Liz his trademark smirk and Liz wiggles her fingers threateningly at him.

"Don't think I won't," she taunts. Michael swallows nervously and takes a few steps back.

"Max, call your girl off. I don't want to become alien scramble."

I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. How either of them have the energy to argue at three in the morning is beyond me.

"Liz?"

"Yes darling?" Liz smiles sweetly at me.

"Please don't threaten Michael."

"Personally I think it would be an improvement, but have it your way." She flicks a glowing hand at Michael. "But someone should take some of that snark and stick it up your ass, Michael."

"But Liz," Michael says earnestly, putting a hand over his heart. "Without my snark, who am I?"

"A short order cook with a personality defect?"

"At least you'll never go hungry."

"If that's how you sold Maria, consider me unimpressed."

"No Liz," Michael says smugly. "I used my other talents."

"Okay, that's a mental picture I didn't need." Liz holds her hands up to her face, looking agonized.

"You know Liz, maybe you wouldn't be so uptight if you"-

-"Okay, I think that's enough." I snap at Michael. "If you guys are going to stay up all night bickering I'm gonna go home."

"Aw, come on man," Michael says. "We were just messing around."

He looks at Liz and shakes his head disapprovingly in my direction. "He's no fun."

Liz nods in agreement. "Poor Max," she says mournfully. "So serious."

I rake a hand tiredly through my hair. Michael and Liz both require my full attention to handle and I've done enough for tonight. My head feels like it's five minutes away from exploding.

"Really you guys, I'm going home. I have stuff to do." Like dig through everything I have that belonged to Tess and see if I can find some answers to Liz's glowing hands problem.

Michael shoots me a puzzled look. "In the middle of the night?"

"Look, can she sleep here without you two killing each other or not?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine, but she better not blow up my couch."

"Thank you." I sigh tiredly and walk over to Liz.

"You're not staying with me?" She sticks her bottom lip out at me.

"I can't, sweetheart. And you need to sleep." I kiss her lightly on the forehead. "Play nice with Michael, okay?"

Liz's hands toy with the collar of my shirt. "Stay," she whispers. She looks up at me and licks her lips purposefully. "I'll make it worth your while."

"I don't doubt that." I laugh softly. "But I prefer you sober enough to feel everything I'm doing." I lean down and kiss a spot below her ear, and Liz shudders against my chest.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Get some sleep." I detach her hands from my shirt but she grabs my hands and won't let me go.

"I'm going to be okay, right?" she asks me anxiously.

I cup her face and run my thumb across her cheekbone. "Of course you are. Do you really think I'd let anything happen to you?"

Liz's eyes drift shut and she presses her face against my hand. "I guess not."

The fact that she still trusts me after everything that's happened makes my chest expand with a new hope for us.

"That's right." I tenderly brush a strand of hair off her face. "Everything's going to be fine. We've gotten through much worse than this, remember?"

Liz nods sleepily and I detangle my hands from hers, watching her as her head tips back against the couch. Her mouth opens in a tiny rosebud 'O' and I wait for her breathing to slow down before I back away.

Michael claps me quietly on the back as I walk out the door. "She just needs to sleep it off; I did this a million times with Hank. Don't worry, I can handle her."

I smile wistfully at him. It's strange to watch my perpetually angry, loner best friend turn into someone who cares. Two years ago Michael would have let Liz die on the floor to protect our secret, and now he's babysitting her.

"I know. I trust you."

Michael smiles to himself and mock salutes me goodnight. He closes the door softly and I

slip out of his apartment building into the night.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I own nothing, obviously. Like, seriously guys. Nothing.**

**Review if you're into this! Feedback is much appreciated **

LIZ

I wake up feeling like I've been run over by a truck. My head is throbbing excruciatingly and my body feels waterlogged. I don't think I can sit up. I don't know where I am and my eyes feel too heavy to open, so I resign myself to lying here, in the unknown.

The thing about dating an obsessive, overprotective, reincarnated alien king is that it gives me full confidence I'll eventually be rescued, which is why I'm not completely freaking out about not knowing where I am right now. It's playing the damsel in distress part I'm not so sure about.

"Morning sunshine." A shadow crosses my face.

I squint my eyes open a fraction. "Michael? Oh God, it's all coming back to me."

He stands directly above me in sweatpants and a ratty tee shirt. His hair is pointing in seventeen different directions all at once. "You thirsty?"

Michael tosses a water bottle onto the couch and I reach for it greedily. I crack it open and drain half the bottle in one gulp.

"I'm making coffee, you want some?" Michael yells over his shoulder as he walks to the kitchen.

"Yes please." I finish the rest of the water and rest my head back against the couch. I can't believe how out of control I got last night. I just wanted things to go away for a little while, not to make them worse. I feel a sudden, raging fury at myself for letting my life become such a mess.

When something breaks is it broken forever? Will I ever be able to put the pieces back together? Right now my life is just holes and ragged edges. I want so desperately to fix things, but how do you fix something like completely altering a timeline?

I wonder if I will ever get to a place where I won't wake up everyday heavy with regret for my mistake. Not feeling the masochistic urge to atone for my sins.

The sharp smell of coffee pulls me out of my self-pitying shame spiral.

"Thanks," I mumble, taking the mug Michael passes me. He stands in front of me, giving me what feels like a silent assessment. It dawns on me that Michael probably has a lot of experience taking care of people too hung-over to function, and I feel a fresh wave of shame.

"If you can get up, I'll make you some eggs." Michael squats down to get eye level with me.

I clutch my stomach. "I don't know if I'm ready for food." I say weakly.

"Just try some. I make really good eggs. You'll feel better when you have something in your system to soak up the vodka."

I struggle to pull myself into a sitting position before letting my head drop into my hands. "I'm sorry, I'm just so damn hung-over."

"I know you can do better than that, Parker." A hand materializes in front of me. "You're tougher than you look."

I grasp Michael's hand and let him pull me up into a standing position. He puts a steady hand between my shoulder blades and guides me to a kitchen stool. I sink onto it and watch as Michael pulls out eggs, milk, peppers and shredded cheese and assembles everything on the counter.

I moan softly and rest my cheek on my folded arm. "I'm never drinking again."

Michael cracks eggs into a bowl and starts beating them. "Well you drank like half a bottle, right? That's not being young and experimenting for fun kind of drinking. How many brain cells were you trying to obliterate exactly?" He pours the eggs into a pan and starts adding cheese and pepper.

I rub my eyes tiredly. I still feel half asleep and I gulp down some more coffee. "I guess I freaked out. I don't really know how to deal with being..."

"Alien?" Michael says sharply, his back to me.

"I was going to say different."

I press my forehead against the cool countertop and let my eyes close. Everything has a surreal quality to it, like I'm stuck in some weird dream in which Michael of all people is cooking me breakfast. I'm still trying to piece together the mess that was last night.

I flex my hands, testing them, but they feel decidedly human this morning. No random surges of electricity or glowing lights.

Michael slides eggs onto a plate and puts it in front of me. "Trust me, this will change your life."

I eye the plate warily as Michael fills a second plate for himself and sits down next to me.

Michael lays a warm, dry hand over mine. "Eat."

Alex will never eat questionable eggs the morning after a sleepover. He will never call me 'Lizzie' or play with his band again. I'm alive and his body is rotting in the ground.

This is why I can't eat. Rotting corpses are kind of an appetite killer.

Michael is watching me patiently, waiting.

I shake my head, attempting to shake the darkness out of my brain. My grief is a moth fluttering inside me.

I wonder if there is anything left of him, or if he's just bones.

My stomach flips.

"I cant," I say hoarsely.

"Do it anyway. You're starting to look like one of those girls."

"What girls?"

"You know, the ones who don't eat."

"Anorexic."

Michael nods.

"I'm grieving. Its not the same thing."

"Stop making excuses."

"You're starting to sound like Maria," I say, irritated. I angrily stab a forkful of eggs and shove it in my mouth. Much to my chagrin, the eggs happen to taste incredible.

"Oh my God!" I exclaim. "These are amazing!"

Michael smirks at me. "Told you."

"Does my dad know you can cook like this?"

"Yeah Liz, I'm the cook." He rolls his eyes at me.

"Flipping burgers isn't cooking. _This_ is cooking." I point to my plate with my fork.

"Thanks." Michael ducks his head, embarrassed. "I, uh... I was thinking about culinary school. You know, if things settle down around here."

"Wow. I thought you were like, failing school."

"My grades suck because I don't give a shit, not because I'm stupid."

I blink. "I don't think you're stupid. I just didn't know ambition was part of your repertoire. I think that's great, Michael, really."

Michael rewards my compliment with a half smile and a shrug, which for him is hugely expressive.

"Hey," I start. "It was nice of you to make me breakfast."

Michael shrugs again. "No big deal."

"No, really," I protest. "I was such a bitch to you last night, and you've been really nice to me since this whole" - I wave my hands at him- "thing happened."

"You can save the apology," Michael says. "It's okay, I get what it's about."

"What what's about?"

"This whole tough chick shut down attitude you've got going on."

"Tough chick?" I snort.

"Would you rather I call you crazy psycho-bitch?"

"Wow, tell me how you really feel."

"What I'm saying is, I get it. So don't worry about it."

"Care to enlighten me about what you get, exactly?"

Michael shakes his head and grins. "I don't want to wake the beast."

"Come on," I pout. "Lay it on me, Freud."

"Alright, you asked for it." Michael sits up straight and puts down his fork. His eyes bore unnervingly into mine. "When Alex died it broke your heart. Now you push people away so you'll never have to lose anybody else like that."

I stare at Michael, dumbfounded. Profound is not a word I would have ever used to describe him, but this morning I'm seeing layers in Michael I had no idea existed.


	11. Chapter 11

Michael and I are eating quietly when we hear the front door open. Our heads both whip around at the noise, but I relax a second later when I hear Maria call out.

"Morning!" She breezes into the kitchen and gives Michael a peck on the lips before plopping into his lap.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I lean into the hug she offers me. Maria smells like lavender oil and sunshine and I inhale deeply.

"I'm your alibi for last night. You slept at my house, got it? You made her eggs?" Maria glares accusingly at Michael. "Gimme." Maria snatches Michael's fork and he watches helplessly as she starts cleaning his plate.

"So you talked to Max?" I ask.

"Boy, did I. You've been a bad bad girl, Lizzie." Maria nudges me.

"Not bad bad. Can you bring the volume down, my head is killing me."

"So don't drink so much." Maria whips her sunglasses off her head and slides them on my face. Ah, sweet darkness.

"Better?"

"Mm-hmm," I nod gratefully. "Much better."

"So, apparently Liz propositioned His Highness last night," she says conversationally to Michael, who chokes on his coffee and turns bright red.

"Maria! I did not! Could you please not talk about me when I'm sitting right in front of you!"

"Oh, that is _no_t what Max says." Maria leans back against Michael's chest and grins wickedly. She's clearly enjoying torturing me. Maria's angle on scaring me straight is making me remember every single stupid, humiliating thing I did under the influence.

It's working. I don't know how I'm going to face Max.

"Okay, that's enough girl talk for me." Michael picks Maria up at the waist and heaves her off him.

"Typical male." Maria rolls her eyes but Michael just grins lazily and wraps his hands around Maria's hips to pull her to him.

"You love it," I hear him say in her ear.

Maria smiles, and a Maria smile is like the sunrise: luminescent. She says something back I can't quite decipher. Michael tugs one of Maria's honey blond curls teasingly and he leans down to kiss her deeply.

The moment feels so intimate I have to look away. I'm used to seeing Michael and Maria either being recklessly passionate or at each other's throats. Watching them in the throes of domesticated bliss is something else altogether.

I'm happy for her, because Maria deserves her own fairy tale. But it still hurts. It hurts the way it hurt to be shot: a shock to the system, a sharp pain right to the gut.

Watching my best friend get what I wanted more than anything is a constant reminder of everything I've sacrificed. I still remember the look on Max's face when he caught me with Kyle. It was like watching Max die, and I felt sick to my stomach knowing I was the one who orchestrated that exact reaction from him in the first place.

"I gotta take a shower." Michael taps Maria lightly on the ass and smirks at me. "Later Liz," he tosses out, and saunters to the bathroom, swinging the door shut behind him.

"Come on, my little troublemaker." Maria links arms with me and walks me out of Michael's apartment. "I'll give you a ride home."

I let Maria guide me to the Jetta and I collapse onto the seat. It isn't until Maria turns off Michael's street that I remember.

"Hey, can you actually take me to Max and Isabel's? I have to do something with Isabel." I have to destroy whatever is left of Kyle's life. I'm getting a pit in my stomach thinking about what I'm going to have to tell him.

Sometimes I wish he had never noticed me, chosen me out at near random to be his summer girlfriend. What would a star football player see in the president of the science club, anyway?

I guess at the time I was excited about it. Or at least pleased, in some little way, that I had been noticed, noticed by someone that instantly made me special by association.

That was back before Max set my body and soul on fire. Before I knew what it really was to feel special.

I catch Maria staring at me and she shifts her eyes back to the road. Maria bites her lip, glances at me, and then looks away again.

"Just say it already." I sigh and lean back in my seat, bracing for the inevitability that is Hurricane DeLuca.

"Alright, fine. Fine," Maria snaps. She glares at me like I've messed up the timing of whatever speech she's obviously been working up to giving me.

"I'm going to blow past the whole hanging out with Isabel thing, even though as far as I'm aware of you two don't talk. So could you just tell me, best friend to best friend, what the hell is going on with you?" she seethes.

"I have a wicked hangover, that's what's going on."

"That's not what I mean and you know it! Why do you have to be such a smart ass? That's MY thing. You're supposed to be the straight laced friend, and I'm supposed to be the sassy sidekick."

This conversation is starting to echo another talk that we had in this car, almost two years ago. Why does everything seem like it's repeating itself? Did I accidentally create some weird time loop? I'm running out of scientific theories that can explain what the hell is happening.

"Have you even thought about what you're doing to Max?" Maria asks me. "You're torturing the poor guy. He's head over heels, 'til death do we part in love with you. Do you have any idea how lucky you are? When you were in Florida last summer he called me every freaking day asking about you, which was totally annoying but at least shows commitment. He worships the ground you walk on. Do you know how rare that is? I had to sleep with Michael to get him to feel that way about me!"

"Maria!" I stare at her, jaw dropped.

"What, like you can judge me for losing my virginity to my boyfriend the night before he was supposed to leave for another planet? Besides, men need to have sex to fall in love. It's like, scientifically proven."

"You realize that theory is in complete opposition to what you just said about Max, right?"

"It's different with you two. He saved you; you'll always have a connection. Seeing stars, glowing. You lucky bitch." Maria shakes her head at me. "So why do you keep fucking it up?"

"Because I'm scared, okay?" I snap. "Can't eat, can't sleep, wake up screaming kind of scared."

"You've been kidnapped by an alien, chased off a bridge by the FBI, stared a killer in the face - and THIS scares you?" Maria asks, incredulous.

"The first time around we were happy," I say softly. "And then it all went to hell. I can't let that happen again. It's like I'm paralyzed. I can't decide what to eat for lunch without worrying how it's going to affect the future."

"You and Max really are made for each other, you both have God complexes the size of a house," Maria mutters. "You know, Tess screwed us in both timelines. It didn't matter whether you guys were together."

"Tell that to Alex," I say quietly.

"I knew it. You think that's your fault, don't you?"

"It was my fault," I say tiredly. "I know he made it to at least nineteen the first time."

"Liz, have you told Max how you feel about this stuff?"

"Tell him I faked sleeping with Kyle to push him towards Tess because a future version of him told me if we stayed together it would mean the end of the world? Max would lose it. He'd never forgive me for keeping a secret like that from him."

"Let me remind you, he's not perfect either. He literally slept with the enemy."

"Yeah, because of me! He would have never done that if I hadn't... pushed him to it," I say morosely. And the pity party continues.

"So you think everything that's happened since last September is your fault, and now you're punishing yourself. Does that about sum it up?" Maria signals and turns onto Murray Lane.

She pulls up to the Evans' house and parks in the driveway. "Look," Maria says, twisting to face me, "I just want you to be okay. I don't... I don't know what you need for that to happen but...I'm here for you," she says seriously.

"Thank you." I swallow the lump in my throat.

"And...I know thing have been weird between us since Alex"-

"I don't want to talk about Alex." I can barely say his name.

"Okay, that's fine," she says quickly. Maria tilts her head back and shakes it back and forth a little, like she's trying to keep tears from falling. "But you're my best friend, and I can't lose another best friend. I really, really need you to be okay."

Maria's tears spill over and I throw my arms around her neck. Maria wraps her arms around me tightly and I bury my face in her lavender scented curls.

"I love you," I choke out. I cannot cry right now. I have to hold it together for Maria, because I know if I start crying she won't be able to stop.

Maria sniffs loudly and wipes her eyes. "Ugh, you made me ruin my mascara," she half laughs, half sobs. "But I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I love you guys for sticking with this. As always, I own nothing.**

LIZ

I stare out the car window, looking at Kyle's house. Trying to pretend that this is just another day, just a friendly visit. Isabel kindly 'fixed' my hangover so my head is feeling better but my nerves are starting to kick in. Apparently she's not nearly as good a healer as Max is, but good enough for pesky little things like headaches.

"Ready?" I turn to Isabel.

"One second." She looks down and pulls her tank top an inch or three lower to reveal her cleavage.

"What are you doing?" I laugh.

"We're about to give him bad news, right? A little cleavage couldn't hurt," she says, like that's supposed to make sense.

"Isabel, I don't see how cleavage is going to fix this one." I stare down at my own chest, meager compared to what Isabel's revealing.

"You're giving the bad news, I'm here to give a distraction." She shakes her chest mischievously at me and I giggle. Who knew Isabel had a sense of humor?

"Okay Victoria's Secret, let's get this over with."

We climb out of car and walk through the thick summer heat up to Kyle's door. I ring the bell and wait anxiously for Kyle to come to the door.

Finally I hear footsteps approaching and the door swings open.

"Liz, what's up?" Kyle's eyes slide from my face over to Isabel.

"Queen Amidala." He gives Isabel a curt nod.

"Hey Kyle, can we come in? I kinda need to talk to you," I say.

Kyle leans against the doorframe and crosses his arms. "What's she doing here, Liz?" He stares Isabel down, and she stares right back at him.

"Let us in and we'll tell you," Isabel says in her snotty popular girl voice.

Kyle doesn't budge. "Seriously, what's going on?"

I guess I should have put it together that Kyle wouldn't be thrilled to see Isabel. After Tess left he and I have mostly been hanging out alone, but I wasn't expecting him to be this frosty. Curvy blond aliens must still be a sore spot for him.

Isabel takes a step towards Kyle and locks eyes with him. "Kyle," and her voice takes on a spooky, hypnotic quality I haven't heard before, "don't you want to let us in?"

Kyle's pupils dilate in his clear blue eyes. "Please come in." He backs into the house to let us through, and Isabel smiles triumphantly at me as she waltzes through the door.

"Isabel!" I hiss at her. "Stay out of his head!"

"Relax," she whispers out of the side of her mouth. "I barely poked him."

"How the hell did you learn to do that, anyway?"

Isabel raises an eyebrow at me. "How do you think?"

"Unbelievable," I mutter, and walk into the living room where Kyle is standing there waiting.

"So what's going on Liz," he asks coolly. "I haven't seen you in a few weeks."

"Yeah, things have been kind of crazy," I apologize. "Look, Kyle, do you remember Ava?"

"Tess's dupe?" Kyle frowns suspiciously at me.

"Yeah, Tess's dupe." I sigh. "When she was staying with me, she... she told me that Max... when he brought me back from being shot... it, um, changed me. Permanently. And, uh, she was right."

Kyle narrows his eyes at me. "What the hell are you talking about?" He looks helplessly at Isabel. "What is she talking about?"

"I can do things, Kyle," I say faintly. "Alien things. And you might... its possible that one day you could too, because Max brought you back... I'm really sorry Kyle." I whisper, blinking back tears.

It's all my fault. I did this to him. All he ever did was care about me, and look where it got him. He's just another victim of the I Know an Alien club. A club I basically inducted him into, not that we really had a choice in the end. Destiny strikes again.

I press my palms into my eyes and take a deep breath. When I finally open them Kyle is just standing there, staring at me blankly.

"So you... have powers?" he asks in a low voice.

I nod weakly and watch as Kyle starts to swell up in rage.

"Well, where the hell is he?" Kyle explodes, looking around the room like Max is going to suddenly walk out of a wall or something.

"He's not here, Kyle."

"Where is he, Liz?" he shouts at me. "When I get my hands on Evans I'm going to break his face!"

"Kyle, you're a Buddhist. You don't believe in violence," I remind him, holding him by the shoulders. He struggles against me for a second before turning away abruptly.

"Buddha would understand," he says ominously, and begins to pace in the middle of the room.

"Kyle," Isabel says softly, stepping in front of him, but he just side steps her and continues to pace.

"Kyle," she says again, but firmly this time as she plants herself in front of him. "Don't you want to sit down? You'll feel better."

Kyle nods robotically. "I need to sit down. I'll feel better," he says in a monotone, sinking into the couch.

"Isabel, I told you not to do that!" After finding out what Tess did to Kyle I feel a responsibility to keep people from screwing with his mind. I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been for him. When you can't trust yourself to know what's real.

"What?" Isabel gives me an injured look. "You asked me to help, I'm helping!"

"Just stop telling him what to do, okay? Tess did plenty of that, I'd prefer it if his brain wasn't completely warped."

Isabel's face goes white. "Sorry," she whispers, and I see her eyes well up as she stares determinedly at the floor.

Dammit. I had to play the Tess card. Isabel hides her sensitivity so well, behind her bravado and sexual quips and that icy cool girl stare. Sometimes I forget that on the inside she's a complete softie.

"It's okay, I didn't mean to snap at you," I sigh.

Isabel nods stiffly and won't look at me. I remember when we found out about Vilandra and how badly it messed Isabel up, how it confirmed every fear she had about herself. That she was bad, she was a terrible person. That there was something fundamentally wrong with her.

It's an insecurity that also comes out in Max and Michael, although in Max I see it in his fear of rejection, of being seen for who he really is, and in Michael it comes out in his gruffness, the way he makes it almost impossible to emotionally connect. My guilt instantly doubles.

"Hey," I walk over to Isabel and pat her gently on the shoulder. "You're not Tess. I should never have said that."

"I know," Isabel says shakily. "But I'd prefer not to be reminded that I'm remotely like her, genetically or otherwise."

"I think that's fair." I walk over to Kyle and perch on the edge of the coffee table so I'm directly facing him.

"Hey," I whisper to Kyle and he turns to stare at me, dazed. "Are you... how are you doing?" I ask softly.

Kyle scrubs his face with his hands. "It's never over, is it?" he says in a hollow sounding voice.

"Maybe one day." I slide my hand into his and he grips it almost painfully.

"I know that you're scared. I'm scared too. But we're gonna make it work, okay? We'll handle it, all of us." I grip Kyle's hand tightly in mine.

Kyle rolls his neck and pats our interlocking hands with his free hand. "Even death is not to be feared by one who lives wisely."

"I don't... know what that means." I smile helplessly at him.

"It means you're right. We'll make the best of it. At least our lives are always interesting," he says sardonically, and I have to laugh.

Alex is dead. Tess sold the royal four to Khivar, and we still don't know if there will be repercussions for her betrayal of them. I've turned into a green sparkler that goes off without warning.

But the rest of my friends are still here.

And Max loves me.

At least my life is interesting.


	13. Chapter 13

LIZ

"Close your eyes and imagine seeing the color in your mind. Feel the color. Now imagine changing your hair to absorb the vibration of the color. That's the trick. Don't see the color, feel the color."

I open my eyes and sneak a glance at Isabel, who's sitting serene and cross-legged on her bed explaining how to change the molecular structure of color. She's like a hybrid of Yoda and Elle Macphereson.

After talking to Kyle for a while and making sure he was safely off the hypothetical edge we were both drained and depressed. Isabel correctly assumed that I hadn't yet had the chance to learn any 'fun powers' and she invited me over for a cross between a girls' day and a crash course in using alien powers to enhance beauty.

So far I've learned how to manipulate a pump to feel comfortable like a sneaker, color code my closet, and now we're working on changing the color of my hair. Isabel figures I should be capable of doing a simple thing like changing color since I can blow rocks apart.

I clutch Isabel's fuchsia bedspread nervously. "You'll fix it if I mess it up, right?"

"Yes, come on, now try it!" she says impatiently.

I grit my teeth and lift my finger to the side of my head, pressing it to a loop of my hair. I close my eyes and try to concentrate.

Pink. Pink pink pink. Think pink. No, feel, don't think. Pink like Maria's favorite lipstick. Like Isabel's gorgeous birthday dress that she trashed rescuing Tess from Whitaker. Like the bubble bath Max gave me on that horrific double date with Michael and Maria.

My finger suddenly tingles and I jerk it away from me. I open my eyes and Isabel is staring at me, dumbstruck.

"What?" I say self-consciously. "How bad is it?"

"Oh my god." Isabel is staring at me in wonder. "You did it!"

"I did?" Well I'll be damned. Turns out I'm capable of more than decimating matter with a green lightning bolt.

"Look!" Isabel tugs my arm and pulls me off her bed and positions me in front of her full- length mirror. My hair has a sleek hot pink streak running though it. It immediately makes me think of Ava and I grimace at my reflection and turn away. Sometimes I wonder if Tess and Ava's pods got switched and Ava was originally part of the Roswell foursquare. But then again, who wouldn't end up a murdering sociopath if they were raised by Nesado?

"I can't believe you did it!" Isabel exclaims excitedly. "This is so cool!" Apparently all I ever had to do to get her to like me was to become like her. Figures. Tess showed Isabel that stupid sugar quirk the first time they met and within the day Isabel was practically kneeling at Tess's feet.

"Do you want to stay for dinner? I'll talk my mom into springing for pizza." It's a well-known fact that Max and Isabel will go to great lengths to deter Mrs. Evans from cooking.

"Sure. That sounds great Isabel." I'm actually touched that she would ask me. I can't believe how nice Isabel is being, nice for Isabel, anyway. I feel like the nerdy uncool girl in a cliché teen movie that the beautiful popular girl gives a makeover to. Only in this story my fairy godmother of transformation is actually an alien princess bestowing her attention unto me, Liz Parker, small town nobody who only became special when Max Evans saved her from a bullet.

I follow Isabel out of her bedroom and see Max stumble bleary eyed out of his room.

"Hey." He gives me a slow, shy smile as Isabel heads down the stairs. "What are you doing here?"

"Isabel gave me a ride to Kyle's so we could talk about...stuff," I say, starting to feel increasingly self-conscious and stupid with pink hair.

"Oh." Max nods and shoves his hands in his pockets. "How is he?"

"He's dealing as best he can I guess. Probably praying to Buddha," I say honestly, and Max's mouth twitches in amusement.

I take in his wrinkled tee shirt and messy hair. "Were you napping?" I ask, and Max nods sheepishly.

"I didn't end up getting much sleep last night," he admits. I peer past him into his bedroom. Half his bed is covered in notebooks, sheaths of loose leaf paper, and what looks suspiciously like the Destiny book.

"What were you doing?" I ask cautiously.

"Oh, just going through some things," Max says vaguely, and I can tell by his tone the subject isn't open for discussion. So Max has a secret too. Interesting.

"I like your hair. It's very... rebellious." Max grins at me. "Did Isabel talk you into letting her give you a makeover?"

"No, I, well, I did it. Isabel taught me," I say, with a hint of pride in my voice.

Max's eyes widen and his hand reaches out to touch my hair. "Wow, I'm impressed," he says lightly, and I smile to myself.

I realize too late that his face is much too close to mine. I feel heat begin to build between us and I abruptly take a few steps back.

"You okay?" Max asks softly, his amber eyes boring into mine.

"Yeah I just…you know, I feel stupid. About last night."

"Liz, you should never feel stupid. Especially around me."

"I was acting like an idiot," I protest, and try not to blush when I remember what Maria said Max told her. That I propositioned him. Did I? Last night is still pretty fuzzy.

"People do dumb things when they're drunk," Max says teasingly, using my own words against me, and I roll my eyes at him.

"Yeah, well, I feel dumb."

"Don't. Really. Besides, didn't I turn all the parking meters into sparklers and ask you to run away with me that time Kyle got me drunk? Talk about stupid."

"That wasn't stupid, it was romantic!" I protest. "I should have said yes, think of all the trouble we could have avoided."

Max laughs, and a light comes into his eyes that wasn't there a second ago. "You and me, on the run. Sharing nasty motel beds together. What more could a guy want?"

"Oh, you think you're sharing the nasty bed with me?" I raise my eyebrows at him.

"A man can only be a gentleman for so long, Liz," and suddenly Max's voice sounds serious, and I feel a bolt of heat tear through me.

"You guys?" I am relieved when I hear Isabel's voice float up the stairs, breaking the tension. "We're ordering pizza, you coming? Max, Mom wants to know what you want!"

"Come on," Max places a hand lightly on my lower back, steering me towards the stairs. "Let's get in on the pizza before my mom gets a crazy idea like trying to make it herself."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here's an extra-big part for you all to enjoy! This is prob going to stay Liz's POV from now on, its just what's working for me. But if you want a slice of Max POV, review and let me know!**

"Again." Max throws a pebble at me, and I throw my hands out to create a mini force field.

We are in the desert, out in the middle of nowhere. Max gave me a few days to recover after the whole exploding lamp incident, but today he wants to test my powers.

We've been out here for a few hours, and we're just getting around to creating force fields. Working with Max is kind of incredible and terrifying at the same time. Isabel taught me easy things that didn't require much work, and Michael was...a general. He gave me orders and I followed them. There wasn't much thought, just raw power directed at whatever target he gave me. It was total zen and oddly relaxing. To only have one thing to focus on, to not have to feel anything. But better, because I didn't need alcohol to numb me and it made me feel strong.

Max has a completely different approach, which might explain why he is by far the strongest of the three. Max says that to master my powers, I have to master my mind. He thinks that I need to learn control, and he's going to teach me how to do it. I apparently have no say in this.

He constantly stops me to ask me what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. What sensations I feel in my body. It's intense. I feel vulnerable under his scrutiny. One thing is sure; he's an amazing teacher. He pushes me, makes me question things; see the universe through a completely different perspective, one where all the usual rules don't apply. I now understand why Max has actual enemies. When he's in his element he's a force to be reckoned with.

Max tosses another rock at me, and I barely manage to get a field up in time. Working with Max makes me nervous. I can't concentrate when he's looking at me. I've never wanted him more than I do right now, and I've never been this afraid to want him. It doesn't help that he's devastatingly gorgeous.

"What's wrong?" Max frowns and walks up to me. "What happened with the last one?"

"I'm tired," I explain, resting my hands on my thighs. I expect Max to question me more but he just extends a hand to me, and I reach for it and let him pull me to him and I rest gratefully against his shoulder.

"Do you want to stop for the day?" Max murmurs into my hair. I nod and let Max lead me to Chevelle. I have complicated feelings about the new car. The jeep held a lot of memories and maybe it's good that it's gone, that all those memories went up in flames. I don't know if I could bear to sit in the car that I was sitting in when Max told me that he got Tess pregnant, that he was going with her to Antar. I died the first time on the floor of the Crashdown, but I died for the second time in the jeep that night.

We drive in silence for a while and I stare out the window, watching the endless brown stretch of desert roll past. We're an hour away from Roswell, because Max is paranoid like that.

"You feeling any better?" Max asks.

"Yeah, it just wore me out I guess."

"Michael said you worked on blasts for a long time and you didn't get tired," Max comments.

"Defensive stuff is harder for me."

"You think? It takes a lot of power to do blasts," he points out.

"Maybe I just don't find you threatening enough," I joke, and Max smiles.

"We could bring Michael along. Have him throw some blasts at you," Max suggests playfully.

"I'm gonna need way more practice until I'm ready to face Michael," I laugh nervously.

"Don't doubt yourself." Max glances at me and the intensity in his eyes makes my stomach flip. "You're better than you think you are. And Michael's getting better too so you probably wouldn't get hurt. I've been working with him."

"Really?" I ask, confused. "I thought you guys were fighting." Although I can't really remember why, because Max and I were fighting too, and I was hearing most of the story from Maria. Something about Isabel going to college and Max thought it was too dangerous for her to leave town. Michael took Isabel's side, they questioned Max's ability to be a good leader. I can never keep track of the power struggles between Max and Michael.

"Nah, " Max shrugs uncomfortably. "After Tess left we realized how divided we'd become. We let the enemy into our ranks and allowed ourselves to be pitted against each other. We can't afford to make that mistake again. We have to be able to trust each other, and we have to be able to defend ourselves.'

"Tess showed us we were even stronger than we thought possible. The three of us have been working on our powers together all summer. We've been testing ourselves, seeing what we can do when we work together. Isabel's lazy -that's not really a surprise - but she's got really good mental abilities. And Michael's fast, which would be good in battle."

He's talking like he half expects something to actually happen, talking the way a king talks. I feel a shiver run down my spine. Max would have been a good king.

"What about me?" I ask softly. I'm secretly dying to know what he thinks about how I'm doing with my powers. I feel a perverse desire to please him, play the good little student to his master teacher. After everything I've done to him I still want Max to be proud of me.

Max looks at me appraisingly out of the corner of his eye. "You seem to be somewhat of a prodigy, actually."

Wait, what? Really? "I am?"

"You're stronger than all of us, and we've been working on our powers for years. You don't have any control yet but that's to be expected. I'll help you with that; it takes practice. But in terms of potential I'm impressed."

"Wow. I didn't... I didn't know that."

"I didn't want you to feel any more overwhelmed than you already do. But the lamp thing was a big tip off."

Oh God, I really don't want to talk about the lamp.

"We need to talk about what happened with the lamp."

"Um, okay." I shift nervously in my seat. Max waits for me to starting explaining but I just sit there. I really don't want to talk about this.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Max asks.

"What do you want to know?"

"Liz come on, don't make me drag it out of you. What got you so worked up you managed to blow up a lamp? That's Michael territory, which makes me think you were pretty upset when it happened."

"I got in a fight with my parents." I stare straight ahead so I don't have to look at Max. "My dad got mad that we went out to dinner. He thinks we're dating again," I explain apologetically. "I told him and my mom we were just friends but they weren't having it. He yelled, I yelled, he yelled more, I yelled more, boom goes the lamp."

"So you were... upset?"

"Yes," I say shakily. "Everyone was upset."

"Do you want us to be? Dating, I mean," he asks gently.

His question catches me off guard and sends my thoughts churning. "Is that something you want?"

"Liz, you know how I feel about you," Max says softly. "You know what I want. What do YOU want?"

Do I want to be with Max? Of course I do...he's Max and I'm Liz. Even though he's not destined to be with me I still believe he's my soul mate. I will never love anyone the way I love Max.

"Liz?"

"Look, it doesn't matter what I want. It's not about whether or not I want to be with you."

"Then what's it about?"

I press my lips together and don't say anything.

"Liz... is this about Tess?" he asks tentatively.

Hearing him say her name makes my stomach hurt.

"Partly," I whisper. That, and according to Future Max the end of the world is coming, and now that I messed with everything Tess is still gone but nothing else is the same and I feel the weight of the human race on my shoulders.

"You still have a destiny, Max. You know we don't belong together." I say, and I can't hide the pain in my voice.

"You know that I don't believe in any of that stuff! I don't care about destiny, what do I have to do to prove that to you? Why are you so obsessed with this idea that it's cosmically impossible for us to be together?" Max sounds two steps away from completely losing his temper.

"When are you going to stop being so naive, Max? Just because you're done with destiny doesn't mean it's done with you," I say, and suddenly I am furious. None of this is fair. This is all future Max's fault. I betrayed Max, my Max, and traded ten years of wedded bliss for this. But Future Max isn't here; he vanished, and I am left with my Max. Who slept with Tess. And got her pregnant. And almost left the planet with her.

"Do you have any idea how it feels," and I'm surprised by the venom in my voice, "to see that all it took to make you choose Tess was to put her in a slutty shirt and dangle her incessantly in front of you like a steak?"

"No, I don't," Max says in a strained voice. "Because I don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"

"You chose Tess, because you had to. And I let you. Don't you get it Max? We don't get a say in this!"

"What happened to you?" Max's voice is scary quiet. "When did you become so fatalistic? I don't know what to say to you when you get like this. You're acting like you did the day you ran away from me at the pod chamber," he says, and his voice is so cold.

My head is buzzing and I can't think of a response, one that explains how I feel without explaining why. I am back to rock bottom. I'm ruining everything. Ruined everything. I gave up our relationship for a shot in the dark to save the world and I missed. I feel Max's anger and frustration and the car suddenly feels much too small. There's not enough room for me and Max and our sharp words and wounded feelings. There's no room left for any air.

I shouldn't be surprised when my hands choose this moment to erupt painfully in electric green lights but somehow I am.

No. No no no no no no no no. My chest constricts painfully and I gasp for air.

"Liz, calm down!" Max says sharply

"I can't!" Panic overwhelms me and I feel my emotions spinning out of control. A terrible thought occurs to me. What if I blow up the car? Or Max?

"Pull over!"

"Liz"-

"Pull over!" I shriek, and Max cuts the wheel sharply and pulls the car onto the shoulder of the highway.

I'm out of the car before Max can unbuckle his seatbelt. He crosses around the front of the car and tries to get close to me but I back away from him fearfully.

"Get away from me!"

"Liz, don't do this." Max is watching me like a hawk, his eyes trained on my glowing hands.

"Please Max, I don't want to hurt you!" I beg.

"Then let me help you," and I have no idea how he's managing to stay this calm.

"You can't help me! I'm a fucking weapon!"

Max takes a cautious step towards me. "Give it to me."

"What?" What is he talking about?

"I can handle the power, give it to me."

"No! I told you, I don't want to hurt you!"

"Goddammit, stop fighting me!" Max yells and suddenly-

Everything shifts. A red haze falls over everything, Max, the desert. Me. I am literally seeing red. And I am not afraid anymore. I am wrathful. It's my power, and Max wants to take it away from me. I resolve I will not let him and I feel the cool allure of power slide down my throat. I want it. I don't care about anything else, and damn Max for getting in my way. I don't feel anything like myself and I let it happen. The feeling pulls me under and I don't fight it.

I surrender.

_Don't you see?_ I hear a sinuous voice in my head, a voice that sounds disturbingly like Tess. It is at my lowest points that I hear her, taunting me. The fact that she is dead only makes it more believable to me that the voice is hers. Tess Harding was hell bent on destroying my life, and I wouldn't expect her to let death stop her. She's probably haunting me from whatever circle of hell she's landed in.

_He doesn't love you. He just wants your power. You could never be enough for him._ The voice continues to torture me.

"Liz?" Max asks uncertainly. "What's happening?"

The part of me that can still think rationally wonders if this is what Max meant when he talked about the alien side of him awakening. If it feels like this. Powerful. Raging. Inhuman.

_You're nothing_, the voice says_. You're just a toy, a broken toy at that. How could a king love something so pathetically human as you?_

"Shut up!" I scream, and an enormous jet of energy flies out of my hand on its own accord and zings towards Max, who waits until it gets mere inches from his face before putting up a field. The blast bounces off it and rebounds into the desert, leaving a long trail of scorched earth behind it.

I drop my hand in shock. I am shaking violently, terrified of myself, of what I did. Oh my God, I almost killed him. I'm as bad as Tess. Worse, because Tess never killed on accident. I'm a walking grenade.

The thought brings me to my knees and I vomit forcefully over the side of the road. I hear Max come up behind me and a hand holds my hair away from my face. When I am done spitting bile I stand up on shaky legs and pull away from Max's arms.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly, and I almost laugh at the absurdity of his question.

"Okay? Max, I almost killed you!" I'm a murderer. First Alex died because of what I did, and now this. I'm dangerous. I should be locked up.

"You didn't almost kill me. Come on, that was nothing." Max reasons with me but I am beyond reason. 'Murderer,' says the voice in my head. I should have died that day in September. If I had Alex would still be alive. Max would be safe, the Special Unit would have never tracked him to Roswell, bringing Nesado and Tess with them. I deserve to be dead.

"Just let me go," I try and say, but I can't get the words out. There's a weird keening sound in my ears, like a wounded animal, and I realize in a numb, dissociated kind of way that it's coming from me.

Max reaches me in three quick strides and before I can dodge him he has me by the neck. Max grips me firmly with his thumb and forefinger. I try to twist away but his arm comes up, wrapping around my body and holding me close to him, pressing my back into his solid chest.

"Stop," Max whispers. I feel warmth on the back of my neck where his fingers press into me and the red haze dissipates. Everything suddenly seems to slow way down and my knees sag. I fall back against Max and let him hold me up.

I am so tired and I want to be weak right now, to let Max be strong for me. Let him pull me out of the colossal black hole I'm in. Max will fix me because Max can do anything. I still believe in Max, because if I stop believing in him I will have lost everything.

"Are you using your powers on me?" My tongue feels too loose in my mouth and I almost slur the words. What the hell did he do to me?

"I'm helping you," Max says firmly, sidestepping my question. He releases my neck and turns me around in his arms. "How do you feel now?"

I just stand there. I can't figure out how to get my brain or my mouth to formulate a sentence.

"Liz?" Max sounds worried. "Talk to me."

"I... what did you do to me?" I manage to get out. My head feels so heavy and I let it fall on Max's shoulder. My eyes close in delight when his hand comes up to stroke my hair.

"I messed with your brain a little," Max explains.

"You... what?"

"Don't worry, the effects only last a few hours. Basically, I flooded you with seretonin to change your mood and manipulated the receptors to respond the way it would if you took a tranquilizer."

Wow. Messing with brain chemistry is not something to take lightly. Max is even better at biology than I thought. Maybe even better than me.

"So you made me... docile?"

"In a nutshell. I'm sorry about that, it was the only thing I could think of. I was worried you'd hurt yourself. It's a good trick though, right? If we had to take somebody out?"

"Genius," I mumble into his shoulder. "Did you overdo it? I can barely think straight."

"If I overdid it you'd be out cold on the ground. Michael was so pissed off. It took a couple tries for me to figure it out," Max laughs. "But you'll definitely be a bit loopy. Hand check."

I groan as Max makes me stand up by myself so he can examine my hands, which look perfectly normal. After he gives them a thorough examination Max lets me collapse against him again.

I am definitely feeling loopy. I want to crawl inside Max and curl up and take a nap. Weird how minutes ago I wanted to kill him and now I can't remember why. I like Max. Max is nice. Max smells good. He's an amazing kisser. When I look at Max I sometimes think really dirty thoughts. But it's not my fault because Max is just so, so sexy. Maybe it's his Czech status, but Max makes me feel things no human boy ever could.

Of course this all leads me to think about having sex with Max, which suddenly seems hysterically funny. My life has completely fallen apart, but I still think about sex. When Max is near me I cant stop thinking about sex. At least my hormones are working fine. I giggle out loud.

"You feeling better?" Max sounds amused.

"Mmmhmm. Your chest feels amazing," I nuzzle the soft fabric of his shirt. Whatever Max did to me, it's making me feel very affectionate and amazingly relaxed. If Max could bottle this he'd be a millionaire. I feel like I took a super sized alien Xanax. Of course it would have to come in green, and I start laughing again.

"Okay," Max says, and I can tell he's trying not to laugh outright at me, but I'm too out of it to care. "Let's get you home."


	15. Chapter 15

"It was the first day of school, third grade. I was on the playground when the bus pulled up. It was just me and Isabel back then, before we found Michael. And kids started filing off the bus. I looked up, and I saw an angel walk off the bus. She was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. She had the prettiest hair in the whole grade. I would watch her across the playground, playing with her friends. She was so happy, and so free, and I never got up the nerve to talk to her. She was the first thing about Earth that I loved."

Max smiles shyly and looks out his window, and I feel my body melt into the seat of Max's car. We are parked behind the Crashdown. Max won't let me go inside until I've leveled out from him messing with my head, because the last thing I need on top of everything else is for my parents to think I'm on drugs.

Max is telling me the story of when he fell in love with me. I'm curled up sideways in my seat with my eyes closed, imaging Max as a little boy. Max was never on my radar as a kid. I knew who he was of course, the way I knew everyone at my school, because that's what it's like when you live in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Everyone knows everything about each other. Except for the mysterious Evans twins and their weird, wrong side of the tracks friend Michael Guerin.

"I love that story." I smile dreamily at him. Grandma Claudia would have adored Max. I'm a scientist, a realist, but Max is a true romantic.

"What about you?" Max asks. "You've never told me your story."

"Of when I fell in love with you?" It's strange, this new place Max and I are in. The whole having powers thing is part of it, of course. I know Max feels responsible for me, because Max feels responsible for everything.

But it's more than that. Max and I have never been this honest with each other before. I can feel Max, feel him in a way that I haven't felt in months. There's something happening between us, something new, and it feels exactly like it did when I was sixteen, when just thinking about Max made my body burn- strong, and undeniable. And I wonder, if the world is going to end anyway, why not spend the time I have left with Max? After all, Maria had a point. There's no FBI, no Tess, no skins. We're as safe as we've ever been. For the first time there's nothing to stop us from being together.

"It was September 18th," I start, and Max nods knowingly.

"The day I saved you," he says.

"Yeah. Before then, you were just Max Evans, my bio lab partner. You were quiet, and smart, and it never occurred to me you might be interested in me. I mean, you barely talked to anyone except Isabel and Michael. Even when Maria said something, I brushed it off."

"Maria?" Max sounds surprised.

"She said something to me that day. It was right before I was shot."

"What did she say?" Max asks curiously.

"Max Evans is staring at you again." I smile faintly at the memory. It feels like a lifetime ago, when all I worried about was my grades and getting a good summer tan and what to say to Kyle when he wanted to go past second base.

Max laughs. "I guess I wasn't as subtle as I thought."

I shrug. "You know Maria, she loves to meddle. I thought she was just teasing me."

"Is it that crazy that I would like you?" Max asks, and I hear a note of insecurity in his voice. Max would never say this out loud, but I know he worries that I could never love him the way he loves me, because he's different. I know because I've felt it from him in flashes. I probably haven't made things easier for him by heading for the hills every time something bad happens.

"No, I didn't mean it like that," I say quickly. "I just never thought of myself as the kind of girl boys stared at. I didn't think anybody would ever see me... the way you see me. And then the gun went off, and I was so scared, and I didn't understand what was happening. And then... you saved me," and I wonder if Max can hear the reverence in my voice. I wasn't raised in a religion, and I don't believe in God, but that day was the closest thing I've ever had to a religious experience.

"Have you ever really thought about that?" Max asks thoughtfully. "If you were with me because you felt grateful? It would be understandable."

"No," I say firmly, and I reach out to clutch his hand. Talking about this is making me feel unsteady. "I never felt like I owed you, Max. When I say you saved me, I don't just mean you healed me, you woke me up. Before you my life was so small. I was from this tiny town in the middle of nowhere, and nothing exciting had ever happened to me. But you...you opened up the world to me, Max. You showed me that the universe was so much larger than I ever could have imagined. For a scientist that's the dream, you know? Even if nothing had ever happened between us..." I swallow thickly, suddenly feeling like I revealed more about myself than I should have, "...I would always love you for that."

Max squeezes my hand. "Thank you," he says quietly. After a beat Max releases my hand and I feel our connection snap apart.

"What do you think," Max asks. "Are you back to normal enough now?"

I lean my head back against the window. "Yeah, I guess," I sigh. "I wish I had known you could do this; I haven't felt this good in months."

Max frowns at me. "Don't get any ideas, ok? This is a one-off."

I nod lazily and stretch my legs across his lap. I'm not sure when it became okay for Max and I be so physically comfortable with each other, but I'm enjoying it. I've missed this, how easy it always is with Max. "I figured. You're such a tease."

Max cocks an eyebrow at me and gives me a cheeky grin, pulling me towards him so I'm practically sitting in his lap. He lifts a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and I freeze at the tenderness of his touch, captivated by the feeling of his eyes on me.

"You know," Max says in a low voice, "there are other things I can do to make you feel good."

"Oh really?" I ask softly, trying to keep my voice level.

"You can't even imagine how many." Max brushes his lips over my pulse point and I bite back a moan.

"I wouldn't bet on that," I manage to say.

Max runs his fingers up and down my arm softly and I smile. "Trying to make me glow?"

Max smiles back ruefully. "I always wondered why it stopped."

I lean into Max and wrap my arms around him. "I'm glowing everywhere. You can't see it, it's on the inside."

Max slides his hands up the back of my tank top and runs them gently up and down my spine. "That was a good night," he murmurs, and I nod in agreement.

"Do you think that if things had happened differently we might have..." I stop before I can ask my own question.

Max's arms tighten around me. "I only know what I wanted to happen. I always thought...that my first time would be with you."

I feel my heart crack and I press my cheek against Max's shoulder. "Me too," I say, and suddenly I feel dangerously close to tears. I have to get away from Max before my emotions completely take over and I do something stupid. Like tell him I never slept with Kyle.

"I should go inside. We've been gone all day; my dad's probably about to get out the shotgun," I joke weakly.

"Sure," Max nods. "I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, sure. Thanks for today, you know... for helping me." I say softly.

"Hey." Max cups my face in his hands and presses his forehead lightly to mine. "There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe. You know that, right?"

His voice sounds torturous, and I can only imagine how guilty Max must feel, how heavily the cross of his responsibility weighs on him. It's a heavy thing, to be responsible for the fate of millions of lives hanging in the balance. I should know. It's a cross I've born since the night Alex died.

I pull Max closer to me. "I know, Max." And the funny thing is, I realize I do. Max and I have hurt each other, abandoned each other, tortured each other, but I've never doubted Max's dedication to keeping me safe. The worst thing I ever said to Max was that I didn't want to die for him, because I know that Max would die for me willingly, nobly even, to protect me.

"I really need to go," I whisper, and Max reluctantly unwinds his arms from my body. Our faces are still close together and I can't help but stare at his mouth. I feel that familiar pull towards him, the way Max always seems to pull me into his orbit. I can't help it. I want him. I want him so badly I don't care about the consequences right now. Haven't I been punished enough? Kiss me!' I scream in my head. 'Kiss me!' I lick my lips and give my hair a good toss.

Max swallows and brings a hand up to cup my cheek. He stares at me intensely and I suck in my breath.

He kisses my forehead. "Call me later?"

"Yeah, okay," I sigh.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please review if you like it!**

**A special side note for my awesome reviewer She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Sane: Liz is going to tell Max about what happened with Kyle. Eventually. I promise! The endgame is dreamer all the way ;)**

I exit the Chevelle and go in through the back entrance of the Crashdown. My father is standing at the bottom of the stairs to our upstairs apartment.

"Hi honey." My father smiles at me benevolently. Things have been tense since the night we fought about Max, but to my relief he seems like he's in a good mood. Maybe I'll escape the inquisition today.

"Hi Dad." He doesn't ask where I've been and I don't offer.

"Do you have a minute to talk?" My dad gestures to the couch in the break room.

"Sure." I follow him to the couch and sit down next to him.

My father rests his hands on his thighs, collecting his thoughts, and I pick at my cuticles nervously. I feel like he does this on purpose, makes me wait, just to show me who is in charge. My father clears his throat and I feel a stab of irritation.

"What's up, Dad?"

My father puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and I feel my irritation lessen. My father and I drive each over crazy, but I know he loves me more than anything. I hate that we have grown so far apart, but my life seems so different from his now it's hard to find common ground.

I don't know how to worry about being the perfect student or waitress like he wants me to be because I'm too distracted worrying about preventing the end of the world. I don't know how to be my father's daughter anymore.

"I want you to know I'm sorry for losing my temper with you the other night," he says.

My hands freeze in my lap. Did my father just say he was sorry? Is hell freezing over?

"Your mother and I, we worry." My father continues. "You had such a hard year, breaking up with Max. And then Alex. We know that you can turn things around Lizzie, but we need to know that you're trying."

"I am, Dad, I swear." I protest. "I know... I know I've been difficult. I'm really trying though, I'm working hard and I promise I'll get my grades up next semester."

"I believe you, honey." My father pats me reassuringly. "Now, about Max."

I hang my head and wait for the blade to come down.

"If he wants to see you, he can pick you up at the front door like a gentleman."

I lift my head and stare at my father. "Really?" I ask tremulously.

"Well, the two of you made it clear last year that we can't keep you apart," my father says stiffly. "And I suppose I'm willing to give Max a second chance. As long as you two follow the rules this time, and I'd like to remind you that you still have a curfew," he says sternly.

"Thank you!" I smile and my father wraps an arm around me and pulls me to him.

"I'm putting my trust in you," my father says. "Be mindful of that."

"I am. I love him, Daddy."

My father sighs and kisses the top of my head. "I know you do," he says in that world weary fatherly voice all dads seem to have. "You'll understand one day when you're a parent. You're still my baby girl. Can you blame your old dad for wanting to keep you safe?"

Safe. My father still lives in a world where parents keep their children safe. A world that's cleanly divided into good people and bad people. It's a world I used to inhabit, until Max healed me and I discovered almost everything I knew to be true was a lie.

I envy my father. He lives in a world where the sheriff protects you. A world where there are no bad guys hunting you, shooting you off the road, slicing into your lover's chest with a steel blade for the sheer joy of hearing him scream.

My father stands up and nods towards the diner. "Your friends are waiting for you."

"I didn't know Maria was closing tonight." Usually we close together, when we can. My father won't let Maria and Michael close alone anymore, because they either take make out breaks or have a screaming match and take three times as long to finish.

"I closed, I told her she could wait there for you. Lock up when you leave." He tosses his keys to me. "Have a good night sweetheart."

"Thanks Dad." My father goes up the stairs and peer through the window in the swinging door into the cafe. I see a bouncy blond ponytail poking over the top of a booth.

I walk through the cafe to the booth Maria is sitting in, and to my surprise Kyle is sitting across from her, a half eaten Men in Blackberry pie in between them on the table. I slide in the booth and sit down next to Maria.

"What's going on, guys?"

"Your dad said we could wait for you here." Maria explains. Kyle stares sullenly down at his plate.

"Okay." I say slowly. "What's with the pie?"

"Comfort food," Maria says vaguely.

"Why do you need comfort food?" Why are the two of them even here together? Kyle has this weird expression on his face, like his puppy died. Something is definitely going on.

Kyle and Maria exchange a look, and neither of them say anything.

"Okay, one of you start talking, I'm getting freaked out over here. And Kyle, what's with the face?"

Kyle just gives me a look and says to Maria, "You tell her. I can't even say it. I think this is the worst day of my life."

Maria nods her head vigorously in agreement. "This is the worst thing ever," she says dramatically.

My blood runs cold. "Is...is Michael ok?"

"Everyone's fine. This is a human problem," Kyle says bitterly.

"I'll tell her," Maria sighs. "We had dinner with my mom and the sheriff tonight. They... they told us that over the weekend that... they got engaged!" she wails.

"They what?!"

"You heard her," Kyle says miserably.

"I take it this is a bad thing?"

"It's disgusting!" Maria exclaims. "They didn't even call us first. They just ran off to Santa Fe without even thinking and now we have to be a freaking family, because our parents obviously hate us and are trying to ruin our lives."

I actually think it's kind of sweet, but clearly that's not what Maria and Kyle want to hear right now.

"So that makes you two...brother and sister?"

"Stepbrother and stepsister," Maria clarifies quickly. "Like I'd want a brother," she grumbles.

"Like I want a sister?" Kyle scowls. "Sisters are overrated."

"Tess wasn't your actual sister," Maria points out, and Kyle's scowl deepens.

"Whatever, this blows. I need a beer. Or five." Kyle slides out of the booth and looks at me and Maria expectantly. "Aren't you guys coming?"

"I was actually thinking about cutting back," I say as I slide out of the booth, and catch Maria give me an approving glance as she stands up behind me.

"You can quit tomorrow. Come on, be a friend. You owe me," Kyle reminds me, and I nod in acquiescence. He's right, after all. A beer is a small thing considering what Kyle did for me.

"Fine, one beer," I say, stepping away from the booth to give Maria room to box up the half eaten pie.

"Thank you," Kyle slings an arm around me and squeezes my shoulder. "I knew I kept you around for a good reason."

"Yeah, because you're in love with her," Maria says under her breath, picking up the box.

"Shut it, sis," Kyle jokes, and Maria stops in the middle of the cafe to give Kyle a death glare.

"If you ever again refer to me as your sister in a public place, I will make your life a living hell. Are we clear, Valenti?"

"Crystal," Kyle drawls, and he whistles as Maria huffs through the door. I flip the lights and lock the door, and follow Kyle and Maria to the Jetta. They bicker the entire time.

The two of them stuck under one roof. This is going to be hilarious.

"So whose house are you going to live at?" I ask, snuggling closer to Maria on the chaise lounge chair we're sharing.

Maria drove us to the Valenti's house, where Kyle swiped a six pack from the Sheriff's stash in the garage. We're drinking them in the backyard because it's not too hot tonight and we have a good view of the stars. Stargazing was really Alex's thing.

When we were kids we'd have sleepovers and Alex would pass his telescope to me and Maria, pointing out the constellations. That was back when the stars were just a beautiful mystery, before Max and Destiny happened, before the stars represented questions we might never get answers to.

"Our house," Maria answers. "We have an extra bedroom for Buddha boy."

"Says the hippie." Kyle leans back in his chair and takes a swing of his third beer. "I can't wait to sleep in a bed again."

"You're still sleeping on the couch?" I ask. I knew Kyle had given Tess his room while she was living with the Valentis but I'd assumed he'd taken his room back after she left.

"I haven't been able to go in that room since the night I remembered...what happened." Kyle shudders. "I couldn't even clean out her stuff, Dad had Max do it."

My head shoots up. "Max went through her stuff?"

"Yeah, Dad figured she had things Max would want anyway. Like that book."

"What book?"

"You know, that weird metal book with the freaky drawings in it."

"The alien procreation manual." Maria cracks. "Skank would have held on to that."

So that's why Max has the destiny book. I wonder what else he found. She must have had things we didn't know about, like how to get in touch with certain enemies. She was here for nine months after Nesado was killed. She must have been in touch with someone up there, if she felt confident to carry out the deal Nesado had set up. I sigh inwardly.

We'll probably never get those answers, never know why Tess betrayed us. She was finally getting what she'd always wanted. She had Max in the palm of her hand, thanks to me, and the Valentis treated her like she was part of their family. Khivar must have offered her a crown, something big enough to make giving up Max worth it.

Maria nudges me. "What's up with you?"

"Sorry," I apologize. "Long day. Max took me out to the desert to work on my powers."

"Any more you know what?" Maria wiggles her fingers at me.

I stare down at my beer. I don't want to freak Kyle out any more than he already is by confirming that yes, I am basically a walking stick of dynamite.

"I'm working on it." I say. "It only happens when I get upset.

"So what, you'll just avoid anything that makes you upset? Good luck with that, Lizzie. You should at least try cedar oil."

"You should meditate," Kyle advises sagely.

"That's actually not a bad idea. I meditate," Maria says.

"You do?" I ask, incredulous. Maria doesn't strike me as the kind of person capable of sitting still and staring at a wall, or whatever it is you do. Maria can't sit still, period.

"Hey, just because I don't worship a fat bald guy doesn't mean I can't meditate."

"And what do you worship? Other than the mall, of course." Kyle ribs on her.

"The earth," Maria snaps, in her quit pissing me off voice.

Kyle snorts. "I had my money on cedar oil."

I giggle and Maria gives in and laughs along with us.

"Seriously though Liz, I can teach you if you want to learn." Kyle offers. "Might keep your powers in check."

"Okay, I'll think about it." I smile at him, although I secretly have my doubts. Meditation feels a little too new age-y to me. I'm a scientist, I like simple, straightforward solutions. Although even I can admit I'm not exactly dealing with simple, straightforward problems.

Kyle shrugs. "It helps me deal with what happened. At least, I don't feel like punching everything anymore."

"It's almost too bad she's gone," Maria muses. "I would have held her down for you."

"Thanks," Kyle mutters, downing his beer before cracking open another one.

"That's what family's for." Maria grins cheekily at Kyle, and he smiles back at her but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Can I ask you guys something?" Maria and I look at Kyle expectantly as he plays with his bottle cap, passing it from one hand to the other like he didn't just ask us a question.

"Are you gonna ask us or do you need an engraved invitation?" Maria asks impatiently. I elbow her and she pinches me back.

"Do either of you ever... um... do you ever see him?" Kyle stares down at his lap.

Maria's hand reaches out blindly to clutch mine. "You see Alex?" she asks sharply.

"Sometimes when I'm half asleep I think I see him... just standing there. And I want to say something," Kyle's voice breaks and he takes a shaky breathe, "but I cant."

"Kyle," I whisper. "It wasn't your fault."

Kyle nods dully, like he's not really listening to me. "He was a good guy. He was the kind of guy you want with you when you're in the foxhole. When we were trapped in that cave I was trying to act cool but I was so freaked out. I wasn't ready to die, you know? But Alex... he was so calm. He believed... he believed things were worth dying for. Honor. All that bullshit."

Kyle shakes his head forlornly. Maria and I just sit there, silent witnesses to his confession.

"I can't stop thinking about that night," Kyle continues. "I should have known, I should have realized something was wrong. I can't believe I just stood there and watched while she...while she..."

I reach over Maria and pull the beer out of Kyle's hand, setting it on the table beside him. "Come on, we've talked about this," I say to him softly. "There was nothing you could have done. She was mind warping you. If you had tried to stop her she probably would have killed you."

Kyle loops his arms around my waist and pulls me into his lap, resting his head against my shoulder. "I feel so guilty," he mumbles.

Maria sniffs. "We all feel guilty," she says in a husky voice.

"What happened to me," Kyle groans. "Last year I would have been partying with the team, or hooking up with Vicky Delaney. Now I'm hanging out with my soon to be stepsister and my ex-girlfriend. When did I become such a loser?"

"Hey!" I exclaim, faking insult, and Kyle wraps his arm around me and shrugs.

"We were good enough for Alex, and he landed Isabel," Maria says. "You might find it interesting to know that we are excellent wing women."

"Is that so?" Kyle laughs. "So I hang with you two, I'll pull hot chicks huh?"

Maria winks at him. "You didn't really believe Alex got Isabel all on his own, did you?"

The three of us laugh together, and it feels good. It feels good to remember the nice parts, the memories that make us happy. The memory of feeling carefree is almost as good as the feeling itself, and I hold on to it tightly. If I can remember what it felt like to be happy maybe I will be able to find my way back to it.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: As always, I own nothing. Thank you for reading!**

I lie on my back on the grass, staring at the puffy pink clouds floating across the sky. "I love it here," I sigh. "So pretty."

Alex puts his arm around my shoulders and I rest my head on his chest.

"It's beautiful," he agrees. "And you know how much I love seeing my favorite girl."

"Not as much as I love seeing you." I prop myself up on my side so I can look at his face. I am afraid as time goes on I'll forget these things about him, the curve of his jaw, the sound of his voice.

"I miss you," I choke out, trying not to cry.

"I miss you too," he says. "But I'll always be here when you need me."

"What if that's not good enough?" I ask angrily.

"It has to be, Lizzie," he says in a firm voice. "I can't hang around all the time."

"Why not?" I plead.

"It's not right. I'm dead. You have to move on, and if I'm always here you won't be able to let go."

"I don't want to let you go," I protest stubbornly.

"That's the problem. You won't let me go, and you're missing out on your life! I'm not helping you by showing up and confusing you!" Alex sounds frustrated. "I want you to be happy, even it's without me. I don't want to be the reason you let your entire life derail."

"Alex," I confess, "I don't know if I can do it without you."

"You'll be fine. Max will take care of you," Alex says confidently.

"Are you even real?" I whisper sadly. "Or am I just imagining you?"

"Come on Liz," Alex smiles at me. "You know it's a little more complicated than that."

"Death has made you cryptic, you know."

"There are more things in heaven and earth, dear."

"So you're a philosopher now?"

"I can be anything I want to be now. I'm free. " Alex shrugs nonchalantly.

A loud clap of thunder makes me jump and Alex pulls me to my feet. My pretty pink sky is rapidly getting dark and rain starts to fall down on me.

Alex looks around worriedly. "You should go."

"What? No." I clutch his hand and he pulls on my arm.

"Liz, please, you have to go."

"No, I'm not leaving you!"

A figure in the distance starts walking toward us as lighting crackles in the air.

"Liz, you have to run!"

"Alex"-

"Now! Go! Get out of here, go to Max!"

"Alex, please," I sob.

"Liz, I'm begging you, go! She's coming!"

There is a terrific flash of lighting and he disappears. "Alex!" I scream.

The figure has come closer, and as the shadows part it reveals itself to me.

"Tess," I breathe.

"Hello again." Tess narrows her eyes at me and circles me like prey. I stand rooted to the spot, arms clenched at my sides.

"What are you doing here?" I stammer.

"What, just because I'm gone doesn't mean I can't visit?" Tess stands in front of me and crosses her arms. "Tell me Liz, how is Max? Devastated by the loss of his unborn son?"

I close my eyes and flinch when I feel Tess step close to me.

"Has Max been seeking comfort in the arms of his ex?" Her hand reaches out to touch my shoulder and I jump.

"Don't," I say weakly. "Please."

"Oh relax," Tess admonishes. She eyes me up and down, and picks up a few strands of my hair and examines the ends. I feel like a show pony she's considering purchasing. "I always wondered what he saw in you," she says casually. "You're so ordinary. Plain brown eyes, plain brown hair. Your favorite flavor is vanilla, for God's sake. Sure, you're smart, but even you couldn't keep up with me. So what is it about you that has Max so knotted up? I know it's not because of what's between your legs." Tess smirks at me and I resist the urge to slap her.

"We love each other," I say tightly. "You wouldn't understand."

"And whose fault is that?" Tess hisses at me. "You stupid bitch, why couldn't you have just gotten out of my way? I should have had Max to myself but it was always Liz, poor Liz, what about Liz?"

"Are you kidding? I gave him up for you! I handed you everything, and all you had to do was take it! How could you betray him? Max trusted you!"

"Max could never be what I needed him to be, thanks to you!"

"Oh really? And what's that?"

"A king!" Tess's face is getting red. "I needed him to be a king, but he cared more about you than he was ever going to care about his responsibilities. He was never going to love me the way he loved you. I had to look out for myself."

I stare at her. "You're a monster."

"I am what I've had to be to survive. You wouldn't understand," she says snidely.

"Look, what do you want Tess? Why are you here?"

"Come on Parker, I thought you were smart."

"Are you going to kill me?" I whisper.

"A plus! I knew you could figure it out." Tess smiles and strokes my hair almost gently before threading her fingers tightly through it. She twists my head and pulls me by my hair so her lips are against my ear. "I'll kill you eventually," she whispers. "But first we're going to have some fun."

I wake with Alex's name on my lips and the acrid taste of smoke in my mouth. I cough, half awake, dazed by my nightmare. The edge of my duvet is singed, glowing in the darkness of my bedroom. I stifle a shriek and reach for my glass of water on the nightstand. I pour the water over the embers and they hiss, smoking as they go out.

I stare at my bed, my heartbeat hammering in my ears. The fire only adds another dimension to the terror of my dream and I clutch my knees to my chest. I am hit suddenly with the paranoid idea that I am going to suffocate here in my room. I know this is just a side effect of my dream - I've had this nightmare before and I always wake like this, breathless and panicked. But my dream feels all too real to me and I can't help but buy into my own paranoia. I've spent too many nights like this, alone in my room in the dark. I know what fear can do the mind when it's left to grow, twisting your senses until you believe its lies.

I almost set the entire bed on fire. In my sleep. I could have hurt myself. I could have started a real fire, something a cup of water couldn't handle. How the hell could I ever explain that to my parents?

I can't breathe. I really can't breathe. I have to get out of my room, right now. I want to get as far away as I possibly can, because that seems to be my response to adversity in every form: run, like the coward I am.

The decision to leave propels me out of bed and suddenly I am all frantic motion, my breaths coming in short painful gasps. I pull on a tank top and a pair of yoga pants, slide open my window, and climb outside.

When I hit my alley I break into a run, heading through town without any real idea of where I am going. I just know I need to run, I need to go, if I can put enough space between me and my bed maybe I'll be able to escape my nightmare, the horrible nauseating fear pounding along with the rhythm of my feet.

It is pouring rain outside, just like in my dream, and within a couple of blocks I am completely drenched but I don't stop, running like my life depends on it. It feels like it does. I know Tess is dead but it doesn't lessen my fear of her, how real it felt, how just imagining the sound of her voice makes my stomach clench.

She's dead, I tell myself as I run, sliding through Roswell in the rain in the middle of the night. Or maybe I'm still dreaming and Tess is out here, watching, waiting for me. No! I'm just confused. She's dead. My shoes slap the pavement in rhythm to the words. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

I don't realize I've known all along where I was going until I'm standing in front of the Evans's house. I did exactly what Alex told me to do in my dream. I ran to Max.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I own nothing. Thank you for reading and reviewing! Warning- sexy times ahead ;)**

I walk around to the side of the house where Max's window is. By some magical stroke of good luck his light is on, and I approach his window. Max is sitting up in bed shirtless, wearing only basketball shorts with a notebook propped up on his knees.

I knock softly and Max's head comes up. When he recognizes me he jumps out of bed and opens his window. "What are you doing here?"

He holds out his hand and helps me climb through into his room. "Are you okay? It's the middle of the night."

"So how come you're up?" I deflect. The cold from my wet skin and clothes is starting to set in and I cross my arms over my chest.

"I couldn't sleep. I had...I don't know, a bad feeling or something." Max frowns at me. "You're soaking wet, did you walk here? Liz, it's pouring out!"

"I know," I say absentmindedly, pacing in front of his window, shivering. The cold feels like it's setting into my bones.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

I open my mouth, trying to figure out how to explain to Max that I set my blanket on fire, in my sleep, and to my horror I burst into tears.

"Hey, don't do that." Max's arms envelope me and I collapse against his chest. I press my face into his shoulder and sob brokenly. The terror left over from my dream feels like it will never fade and I grip Max tightly. My fear feels like a live thing, clawing its way out of my chest. I think

I see a platinum blond curl out of the corner of my eye and I jerk in Max's arms.

"Liz? Baby, look at me."

The term of endearment sets off a fresh wave of tears, and Max has to peel me off of him, my tears making track marks down his perfect chest. Suddenly his eyes are looking into mine and I feel my body relax a little. I'm with Max. I'm safe.

"Hey," Max whispers, and his thumbs wipe tears off my face gently. "I need you to do something for me. I need you to calm down a little, okay? I don't want you getting all worked up again. Can you do that?"

I shrug helplessly and more tears run down my face onto Max's hands. I'm so scared, and I don't know how to get through it to the other side tonight. Some part of me wonders if I'm going crazy, if the stress from keeping a secret about the fate of the world and losing Alex has made me snap.

"It's okay," Max whispers soothingly. "Everything is going to be okay."

Max pulls up the hem of my top and presses the back of his hand to my stomach. "You're freezing," he frowns. "You have to get out of those clothes or you'll get sick."

"Arms up," Max commands softly, and I obediently lift them above my head. Warm fingers brush my abdomen as Max pulls my tank top off.

"These too." Max pats my hip. I roll my pants down, the soaked fabric sticking to my skin.

Max holds his arm out and I balance against him as I step out of my pants, like I'm five years old again, and I hand my wet clothes to him.

Max takes a step away from me and I reach for him, weeping, the way I did for my parents when I was a child, when I was scared or hurt.

"Don't leave me!" I beg, in a voice that doesn't sound at all like me.

Max must hear it too because his eyes widen and he quickly steps back to me.

"I'm not leaving you," he says in a carefully calm voice. It's the kind of voice you use when you're talking someone off the ledge, and I hang on to it with everything that I have. "I'm just getting a towel from my bathroom to dry you off, okay?"

"Okay," I sob. I cross my arms over myself, shivering in my bra and panties, my eyes fixed on Max's broad shoulders as he walks into his bathroom with my wet clothes and comes out with a towel.

He wraps it around me tightly and I huddle against him. I take some deep breaths and try to calm down like Max asked me to do. Slowly my sobs lessen to quiet, slow tears, and I let Max wipe my face clean with the edge of the towel.

"Just try to relax," he whispers. "I'm here with you."

I close my eyes and rest again Max, sighing as I feel warm hands rub my shoulders and work their way down my arms. His hands come back up and rest on the top of my head.

"Your hair's wet." I see a faint glow behind my closed eyelids and feel warm air on my scalp. He's drying my hair for me.

If I wasn't in the emotional state of a frightened toddler this would be romantic, even sexy. I'm wet and we're both half naked, and we're alone in his bedroom. I am living out my poor mother's worst nightmare.

Suddenly I am aware that even though I'm an emotional wreck right now, it doesn't change the fact that the sexual energy between the two of us is alive and humming.

What the hell did I just get myself into? Max and I don't have a good track record of exercising self-control when we're around each other, especially when there are thinly clothed body parts... touching other body parts... I thought I came here for comfort, to feel safe, but now that I'm here I'm wondering if I really came for other reasons too.

"I'm going to give you a shirt to wear, okay?" Max says softly.

"Okay," I sniff, and Max pulls a tee shirt out of his dresser. I exchange the towel for his shirt and pull it over my head. It smells like Max and I inhale deeply.

"Are you still cold?" Max asks worriedly. "You're shaking."

"It's the adrenaline. It'll stop."

"Come here." Max holds his hand out to me and leads us to his bed. He climbs onto it and I follow, and Max lies back against the pillows and he pulls me to him.

I snuggle against his body, relishing the warmth of his bare skin. I press myself into Max's side, desperate for body heat. And also just to feel him, to remember how good only he can make me feel.

Memories of Max and I from last year flash through my mind, reminding me of how it felt to be close to him. To feel his skin on mine. And here I am, chasing the high Max always gives me.

"Feeling better?" Max traces lazy circles on the delicate skin of my wrist. I wonder if he can feel my pulse pounding under his fingers.

"Yeah, I'm starting to." I run a hand through my freshly dried hair. "You do nice work."

"Thanks," Max grins.

"So," he says, and I hear the subtle shift in his tone as it gets more serious, "are you going to tell me how you ended up outside my window, in the rain, in the middle of the night?"

"I don't really feel like talking right now, Max." I say slowly, hypnotized by the invisible patterns he's drawing on my skin, the warmth of his fingers setting me on fire.

"No?" he asks lightly, and I bite my lip and shake my head. Max's eyes catch mine and I am pinned under his gaze. I feel lightheaded, like I'm falling, and I don't want it to stop.

Max suddenly shifts onto his side and I gasp as I slide off his chest, landing flat on my back on the mattress. His eyes darken and I can only stare up at him, paralyzed by those stormy golden eyes.

Max carefully places a hand on my thigh and I make a strangled noise in the back of my throat. I feel my muscles soften under the heat of his skin, and I am instantly hungry for more

My heart may be broken and my mind conflicted, but my body has it's own agenda. It responds to Max on it's own accord, like it always has, and soon I am nothing anymore except for my desire, the ache I feel deep inside of myself for him.

I love this side of Max, the passion he has that you would never expect in someone who is always in control. Except when we're alone. This is the part of Max that pushes my boundaries, that makes me think and want things little Lizzie Parker wouldn't dare to imagine.

I run a hand up his side, marveling at the tight muscles that play under my fingertips. The scientists who created Max sure knew what they were doing.

I did alright in the genetic lottery, and I'm grateful for my naturally slim build, my clear skin and shiny thick hair. But Max? Max is perfect.

I want him. I want Max to touch me and bring me back to life again. I can't. I need him. I can't.

I am so cold, and he is so warm.

I pull Max to me and crush my mouth desperately against his. Max instantly responds, moving his lips against mine. His tongue teases my mouth open and he kisses me deeply and I am breathless, drowning in him.

Max nudges my legs apart with his knee and climbs on top of me, supporting his weight on his forearms. The heaviness of his body on mine feels delicious and I wrap my arms around his bare torso, delirious from his heat and what he is doing to me with his tongue.

My body is thawing, all my senses humming to life as I come alive under Max. My center throbs and I push my hips into him, trying to relieve the ache between my legs.

"Christ, Liz," Max mutters under his breathe, and he kisses me just below my ear, making me shiver, and works his way down my throat, marking me. Max licks my collarbone before returning his lips to mine, and quietly slips one hand under my shirt. He walks his fingers slowly up my torso, sending jolts of electricity through my entire body. Max's hand comes up to my chest to cup me and I moan into his mouth when his thumb brushes over my nipple.

Max growls low in his throat and catches my bottom lip in his teeth. My eyes fly open and I am looking up at Max, who is staring at me intensely, an expression I can't quite read on his face, and before I can look away I feel us start to connect. My ears are ringing, a typical precursor to flashes, and I see a single flash of light before I wrench my mouth away from his.

"What?" Max pants, hovering above me. "What's wrong?"

"We can't do this," I say quietly, deliberately staring at his right shoulder instead of his face.

Max abruptly rolls off of me and sits up. "Sorry," he says stiffly. "I thought... you were sending me signals..." I pull myself up to sit next to him and Max shifts a few inches away from me.

Damn. "Max," I reach out and put my hand on top of his. "I was, it's not... not like I wasn't enjoying myself."

"So what's the problem?"

"Um..." I stare down at my lap. "Kissing... means flashes."

Mad nods. "Yeah, okay, I get it."

"Max wait, let me explain."

"It's fine, I understand. You're afraid you'll see me and Tess." I feel a mean stab of contempt when I hear the note of disgust in his voice when he says her name.

"No, I... I didn't even think about that," I say honestly. "There's... there are things that I don't want you to see."

"Oh," Max sighs, leaning his head back against the headboard. "Is this... you don't want me to see what happened last fall?"

I nod, my jaw tightening.

"If this is about seeing Kyle shirtless, I think I can handle it. He's not really my type," Max says dryly.

"Max," I laugh despite myself and swat him lightly.

He laughs quietly, and I release a breath I didn't even realize I was holding when he reaches his arm out and pulls me closer to him. "So does this mean no kissing?" Max asks, pouting slightly.

I nod at him solemnly. "I'm afraid so. At least for right now."

"Then I believe we have a problem, Miss Parker," Max says seriously.

"We do?" I ask, playing along and batting my eyelashes at him.

"You see," Max says in a husky voice, "the thing is, I don't think I can have you in my bed and not kiss you." His head suddenly dips down to the side of my neck and he kisses me softly.

"Max," I whisper, trying to resist, trying not to surrender to the pleasure of his lips on my skin.

"I miss being with you," he says quietly, and I sigh in agreement as his teeth lightly scrape my earlobe.

"Max, we can't," I manage to get out. Max sucks on my skin before removing his mouth from my neck.

"You know you're going to have to tell me what happened eventually, right?" he says.

"Yeah, I know." I bite my lip nervously. "I'm just not ready yet."

"Well, when you are...which I hope will be sooner, rather than later," Max gives me a look, "we're going to have a discussion. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I acquiesce. At this point I'm only postponing the inevitable.

"Liz?" Max asks softly, and squeezes my hand. "Why are you really here?"

"I... " I pull my knees to my chest, suddenly defensive. "I had a nightmare." Now that Max has thoroughly... distracted me, my dream feels more nebulous, not as hauntingly real as it did earlier.

Max nods and places a gentle hand on my shoulder, silently encouraging me to continue.

"When I woke up..." I sigh, trying to work up the nerve to tell him the next part, "my blanket was...well, it was sort of on fire. I guess I did it in my sleep."

"On fire? Are you hurt?" Max's voice is sharp with alarm and he grabs me by my shoulders and holds me up, examining me for injury.

"Max, let me go, I'm fine, really." I'm not surprised at his protectiveness, but he's also squeezing me within an inch of my life. Max gets absurdly worked up where my safety is concerned.

"Max, come on, if I was hurt I would have told you. You saw me in my underwear," I try to keep the embarrassment out of my voice, "you saw perfectly well that I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Max asks in a tight voice, but he relaxes his grip on my arms.

"Yes I'm sure. It wasn't like a big fire with flames and stuff, I singed the edges a little. It wasn't that big a deal." I try to downplay what happened because Max's eyes look like they're about to pop out of his head. "I was just scared."

"I can imagine." Max rubs my shoulder, his thumb moving in gentle arcs across my skin. "Do you want to talk about it? Your dream?"

"I don't know. It was kind of intense." And terrifying.

"You might feel better if you talk about it. That can help, with nightmares." I get the feeling Max isn't talking about just me anymore, and I look at him questioningly. What do you dream about, Max?

"I had some last summer," Max says, and not for the first time I wonder if Max can read my mind.

"About... the white room?" I ask, my voice shaking. I can't think about Max locked in that room with Pierce. Just his name sends ice cold shivers down my spine. Agent Pierce, the proverbial boogie monster under the bed, made flesh and blood. Whose sole purpose in life was to kill everyone I loved. I lean into Max and rest my head on his shoulder, and I feel Max's hand snake up behind my back to play with my hair.

"I didn't want to talk about them either," he says. "But Isabel heard me once; I guess I was shouting in my sleep, and you know Iz. She wouldn't drop it until I told her everything. Telling her made me feel like I wasn't so alone."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"You were in Florida. We weren't talking," Max says quietly.

Oh that's right, the day after Max was tortured by an alien obsessed sociopath I literally ran away from him and hid out in Florida for three months. No matter how far I run my mistakes always catch up with me.

"I'm sorry," I say again. "I should have been there for you, and I wasn't."

"It's okay," Max shrugs, playing it off. "It was a long time ago."

"It's not okay." I can't explain all of my behavior to Max, but I can explain this, so I have to. He needs this, answers to fill in the holes of my absence. "I was selfish, and immature, and I knew that leaving like that would hurt you, and I did it anyway."

"Why?" Max asks, trying to sound casual, but I hear the waver in his voice.

"Why did I walk away from you on the rocks?" I clarify, and Max nods, his lips pressed firmly together.

"God Max, I was so overwhelmed. I was exhausted and I probably wasn't thinking clearly. We'd just seen your mother, and she confirmed everything Tess had been telling us. I felt... so betrayed by the universe, you know? I thought that you and I were meant to be together, and then I found out you were meant to be with someone, actually designed to be with someone. I just wasn't the girl," I say sadly. My Cinderella story doesn't get a happy ending.

"Liz, there's a hell of a lot of difference between someone else's intentions for us, and what's actually meant to be. It was another lifetime. You can't be like Isabel, worried that what happened in that life will happen again. We're part human. We're not them anymore. I'm not going to live my life based on an edict issued by a fifty year old hologram."

"I know that now. But all I really heard was that you and Tess were meant to be together, and I saw the way she looked at me, Max. I knew she was never going to let us be together. And I couldn't go home and go on with things like they were, just waiting for you to leave me for her. Or if you didn't, she'd find a way to make you. I'm sorry Max, I just couldn't do it." My eyes well up and I rub at them. I'm so tired of crying.

"I told you I loved you, and you walked away from me," Max says, and I feel the effort it takes for him to keep his voice neutral.

"It was never about not loving you, Max."

Max sighs deeply. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."

We sit still, shoulder to shoulder.

"Max?" I ask quietly, looking up at his face. "Are you sure she's dead?"

Max looks into my eyes and I see tiny, tear-streaked versions of myself in his pupils looking back at me. "What do you dream about, Liz?" he, challenges, instead of answering my question.

"Max," I insist.

"I can only tell you what I saw," he sighs deeply. "It's not like I can call up there and ask about her."

"What about Larek?"

"Radio silence."

"Oh." I say softly.

"It's fine," he says. "No news is good news, right?" and he sounds exhausted, and suddenly I'm right there with him. We've ventured onto topics tonight that are not for the faint of heart.

"Maria said you found out about the crash through Brody," I say, trying to steer the conversation back to what he knows about Tess.

"Yeah, I heard it called in on Brody's scanner. All the typical red flags were there. Unidentified small aircraft, wasn't picked up on the radar, witnesses said it came out of nowhere. All that stuff. I thought immediately that... well, if it wasn't her, if had to be related to her. It couldn't have been a coincidence. I called Michael, he borrowed the Jetta, and we drove to Phoenix.

"When we got there it was a total circus. The crash area was roped off by investigators, because so many people came to check it out. Word out got, I guess. It was crawling with agents, we couldn't get anywhere close to the actual crash site."

"Max, was the Special Unit there?" As soon as the question comes out of my mouth I regret it. I really don't want to know the answer to that.

"I don't know, I wasn't there make friends." Max says casually.

"Max!" I exclaim. "What if somebody had recognized you? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking Pierce is gone, I didn't use my powers, and I was just another kid wearing an ASU hat."

"Car?"

"Arizona plates." Max grins smugly at me, clearly proud of himself.

"Alright, fine." I concede. "So what did you guys do?"

"We decided to hang around town for the day. We talked to the locals, tried to find people who saw the crash, or knew people who saw it. It was crazy, rumors flying everywhere. Someone actually told me the aliens were coming to save us from global warming." Max shakes his head.

"Huh," I consider. "Good aliens. That would be a nice change of pace."

"I know, right?" Max smiles wearily.

Something that Maria said floats to the front of my mind. "Max, was there gandarium at the crash site?"

"I don't know, but it's a possibility. I talked to a reporter who pretty much got turned away as soon as he got to the site. Apparently the media wasn't welcome. Anyway, he saw agents carrying off samples of what he described as an electric blue gelatinous substance." Max raises a suspicious eyebrow.

"I don't understand. I thought we killed it all. It couldn't have come from the granolith, right?" I muse.

"I don't know. But that would suggest it's alien, so that's something. We just don't know what it means."

"When do we ever know what anything means?" It's like we're always three steps behind, always looking over our shoulder.

"I know, there always seems to be more questions than answers." Max smiles ruefully. "Liz, why do you care about what happened to Tess? She's gone, that's all that matters."

"She's not gone," I argue. "She comes into my dreams. It's always the same. Alex is there, and then he's not, and she... and she..." I trail off, unable to continue. I don't know how to articulate what she does to me, how real my dreams feel.

She haunts me, her face as sharp in my mind as the day she showed up in Roswell; the day I first saw the beginning of the end for me and Max, disguised in curve hugging jeans and shiny pink lip gloss.

"Shh." Max lies back down and pulls me to him. I rest my head on his chest and I curl into him, calmed by the steady beat of his heart under me.

"What happened to Alex was traumatic enough," he says. "But when we found out it was Tess, and everything that happened with her... that would give anyone nightmares."

"I know," I whisper. I feel a sudden longing to go back, back before anything bad happened. Back before I was shot, when we were just kids. I would have died that day at the Crashdown if Max hadn't interfered and risked exposing himself to save me.

Maybe he should have let me die; maybe I was meant to die and when Max healed me he messed everything up. If I had died everyone else would have nice, normal, safe lives.

"Don't," Max murmurs.

"What?" I look questioningly at him.

"I know what you're thinking," he says, "and you're wrong. I would not be better off without you. Your parents and Maria would definitely not be better off without you. You can't afford to think like that. You can't let her win, Liz." Max wraps his arms around me tightly.

"Max, do you believe in God?"

Max raises an eyebrow at me. "Do you?"

"I don't know. I never did before. I believe in science, things that I can touch and see. You can't prove that God exists."

Max ponders this thoughtfully. "Don't you think there are things that exist in this world that are greater than science? Unexplainable things?"

"Like what?"

"Well, I saved you. What are the chances an alien with healing powers would be there when that man pulled out the gun?"

"Max, you ate there practically all the time," I tease.

Max laughs. "You know what I mean."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"How else do you explain it? Coincidence?"

"As a scientist I would tell you there is no such thing as coincidence."

"So what then? Destiny?"

"Don't. I hate that word. It's just that lately I've been wondering if there isn't a god, then what's the point? What does it matter if we're good, or bad, if there's no one to judge us? What's to stop anyone from saying to hell with it and blowing us all up?"

"So you're a nihilist? That's pretty dark, Liz."

I laugh in surprise. "That's what Kyle calls me."

"Maybe you should start listening to one of us. You don't need to stress yourself out thinking about this stuff. We've been through enough, all of us. You deserve some peace."

"What if that's not in the cards for us? What if we don't get the happy ending?" What if the end of the world is coming and there's no escaping it?

Max kisses my forehead fiercely. "I refuse to believe that," he whispers. "We create our own destiny."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I own nothing. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

I wake up with something hard and warm and masculine smelling under me, something that is definitely not my pillow. I open my eyes to see that I have been sleeping on top of one shirtless, sleeping Max Evans, his bare stomach as chiseled to perfection as Adonis himself. I turn my head to check the time on his clock, and I jump when I see the numbers 6:15 glowing menacingly at me.

Shit. Shit! 6:15 means my dad is already up and getting the Crashdown ready to open. If I don't get home and sneak back into my room soon I won't be allowed to leave the house again until graduation. I climb out of bed quietly, with the intention of sneaking out the window, when I realize I'm still wearing the shirt Max gave me last night. I look around his room, trying to remember what happened to my rain soaked clothes, but I don't see them anywhere. Great. I can't leave until I find them, and I'm kind of in a hurry here.

"Max," I whisper, poking him when he doesn't respond to me. "Max," I hiss, "where'd you put my clothes?"

"Bathroom," he mumbles, and opens his eyes to give me a slow, sleepy smile.

"Hey," he says softly, and pulls me to him to nuzzle my throat.

"Morning," I whisper, kissing the top of his head, and slip out of his arms to retrieve my clothes from his bathroom, which are dry and neatly folded. I pull them on quickly as Max sits up in bed.

"Where's the fire?" he asks sleepily. He looks so cute with his hair all mussed, and I fight the urge to crawl back into bed with him.

"I have to get home before my parents realize I left," I explain, and Max rubs his eyes and gets out of bed.

"Let me drive you," he offers, and crosses the room to open the window for me.

"No way. If my dad sees you drop me off this early he'll be serving me as tonight's special. If he sees me come in I'll just tell him I went for an early run."

"Liz, you're wearing flip flops," Max points out.

"Whatever, I'll figure out something to tell him."

"Do what you want," Max says lightly, and he gives me that sleepy smile again. "It's too early to argue."

"Hey, Max?" I spontaneously throw my arms around him and Max freezes for a second before his arms come up to circle my body.

"Thank you for last night," I whisper.

"You're welcome," he says softly, into my hair.

I know this is when I should step away and go out the window, but I can't let go of Max. I physically can't make myself do it and instead I press my body flush against his, reveling in the feel of his hard muscles against me. I don't know what is making me act this way; I used to have better self-control than this.

Maybe I feel the need to prove myself, because Max bedded Tess before he and I ever got beyond the making out stage. Even if we did get pretty close that night in the desert when we found the orb.

Maybe I just need to know that Max still wants me, that he's as attracted to me as he must have been to her.

It's hard to compete with a girl who was so much more than just a girl, who was impossibly curvy for someone so small, who had striking, icy blue eyes and perfect white blond ringlets. They're all beautiful, even Michael, at least when he showers and gets a haircut.

"Liz?" Max says hesitantly, his eyes half closed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything." I brush my breasts against his chest and Max groans.

Dear God, what is happening to me? I feel powerless to fight these feelings, a slave to the connection we share. The hunger for him that I've managed to suppress all year has become a raging torrent of need that I can't refuse anymore.

"You're torturing me," Max accuses in a ragged voice.

"Am I?" I ask innocently, shocking both of us. I'm not the type to tease but I'm enjoying it all the same, heady from the sense of power I feel at Max's reaction to me.

I gasp when Max quickly grabs my wrists, spinning me around to pin me between the wall and his body.

"Don't start something you can't finish," he warns me, his amber eyes flashing.

"Who says I can't?" I lick my lips purposefully and muffle a cry when Max grinds his pelvis into mine.

"I mean it, Liz." I roll my hips against him, all coherent thought vanishing as the weight of his body against me spreads lust fueled fire through my entire body. I whimper and Max grins devilishly, clearly aware of the effect he has on me.

"Tell me you don't want this," he growls, his hands coming down to grip my hips.

"I can't," I moan. "Please, Max..." I don't even know what I'm asking of him, whether I want him to keep going or stop before I lose control completely.

"Please what?" Max asks, and his thumb slides across my hipbone to rest dangerously low on my stomach. "Tell me what you want."

"I... want you," I gasp.

"Good," he says, sounding satisfied, and he suddenly releases his hold on me.

I stare at him, confused and not sure if I should feel hurt.

"Don't you have to get going? You know, so you don't get grounded?" Max asks nicely.

"Right." My cheeks flame and I turn to the window.

"Wait." Max puts a gentle hand on my shoulder and turns me around to face him. "Can I see you tonight?" His eyes burn gold and I try not to sway when I feel my knees go weak.

"I'm working until six, pick me up at seven?" I say casually, trying to recover my cool, and I slide out his window.

"Oh wait," I turn to the open window. "Pick me up at the front door of the apartment. Dad's rules."

I suppress a laugh when I see Max swallow nervously. "Your dad is cool with me taking you out?"

"If you pick me up at the front door instead of sneaking around the balcony."

"But that's the best part." Max grins at me. "You have to admit, scaling a wall to see the woman you love is pretty smooth. Girls love a grand gesture."

I glare at him, refusing to admit out loud that he's right. Seeing Max climb over my balcony when I'm not even expecting him makes butterflies dance in my stomach.

"The front door thing is a condition. You know, second chances, proving we can follow the rules, that kind of thing."

"I was thinking ice cream, not a trip to the desert," Max says. "Unless you'd like to...?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

I laugh and shake my head at him. "I'll see you at seven."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I own nothing. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

After successfully sneaking back into my room, working an eight hour shift and wolfing down a Will Smith burger Jose made me on my break, I stand in front of my mirror a few minutes before seven. The New Mexico heat is relentless so I'm wearing a light strapless white sundress that shows off my tanned olive skin, and leather sandals.

I pull my hair off my face, contemplating a ponytail, and then let it drop to hang down my back. Max loves my hair down. I hear a distant knock at the front door and jump, spinning round to find my purse.

"I'll get it!" my mother calls out, and I frantically gather my things. I'm not sure my mother really got over the whole eraser room incident, and the last thing I want is for her to grill Max about tonight.

"Hi Max," I hear her say as I exit my room. "Come on in, sweetheart."

Sweetheart. God bless my mother for being kind and not making Max feel uncomfortable. I round the corner of the hallway to see Max step through the doorway into the foyer. He looks simple and sexy, dressed in a fitted gray v-neck that shows off his arms, and lightweight slacks.

"Honey, Max is here!" my mother announces excitedly, and I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at her. She's way too excited to see me going out on a date. You'd think I had no social life...okay, maybe she has a right to be excited for me.

"Hi Max," I say softly, suddenly feeling shy and nervous, and Max smiles at me.

"These are for you." His hands come out from behind his back, revealing a large bouquet of white roses. He remembered. I feel myself start to melt.

"Oh, how lovely!" my mother coos. "Let me go put them in some water." She takes the flowers from Max and goes into the kitchen.

Max and I are finally alone in the foyer and he steps closer to me, closing the space between us. "You look delicious," he says in a low, sexy voice, and I feel my muscles quiver in response.

"Yeah?" I ask, a little shyly, looking up at him through the curtain of my hair.

Max slides one of his hands around the back of my neck and kisses my cheek. "Practically... edible," he murmurs, and I inhale sharply.

We jump apart when my mother comes back, setting down the roses that are now in a crystal vase on a side table. "So, what do you have planned for tonight?" she asks Max. "Are you going to stay around town?"

Max and I lock eyes, the subtext of her question obvious to all three of us. What she's really asking is: we going to drive out to the desert and break curfew and stay out all night? One day I maybe I'll be able to explain it all to her.

I must seem like a horribly disobedient child to my poor parents, who have absolutely no inkling of what I'm dealing with. Lying, sneaking out routinely to meet boys and breaking the occasional law. And then there's the drinking, although I've done a careful job making sure my parents never find about that. They must be so ashamed of me.

I used to be perfect. Model student, model waitress, model citizen really. That was my old life, when I was safe asleep in my small little world. It's not that I'm acting out on purpose, driving my parents to the breaking point.

I just don't know how to pretend to have a normal life when my life will never be normal again.

I used to think things like grades mattered. Things like getting into Harvard. But I'm coming around to Michael's point of view. How can I possibly care about something as trivial as high school when I'm supposed to figure out how to prevent the end of the world?

"Yes Mrs. Parker," Max says politely. "I was thinking we could get ice cream and walk to the fountain."

"That sounds nice," my mother says brightly, and kisses me goodbye. "Be back by ten thirty."

"Ten thirty?" I protest, grimacing at her. "Mom, I'm not twelve!"

This is ridiculous. I've driven across state lines without her knowledge, on a school night no less, broke Max out of a government facility, helped destroy an entire town of skins, and my curfew is ten thirty. Yeah, that makes sense. I can't wait to turn eighteen.

"You can come back by curfew, or you can go downstairs and spend your night arguing with your father about it. Your choice," she says diplomatically.

"Ten thirty is fine," Max says helpfully, and my mother beams in approval.

"Liz, let's go." He holds his hand out to me, and I reach out and grasp it tightly in mine. It's a small moment but it feels loaded, significant. This one moment is preceded by all those starts and stops we had, all the times Max asked me to follow him and I couldn't, but this feels like something else, something new. A fresh start. All this time I've been so messed up about us, but I am starting to see that it's really quite simple. I am lost without him.

My mother shoos us out the door and I let Max lead me down the stairs.

"You're a kiss ass," I mutter in his ear.

Max gives me a boyish grin. "Just trying to show you that I can follow the rules."

"I think this is the most successful date we'd had so far," I comment, licking the side of my rapidly melting ice cream cone.

"Really?" Max laughs, trailing his fingers through the water of the fountain in the town's main square. We sit on the lip of the fountain, licking ice cream cones. We're actually relaxed for once, enjoying our date without worrying about Tess finding out, or an alien related emergency happening, or the FBI following us. For once we feel like small town kids on an innocent date, with nothing but youth and time on our side.

"Well," I start, ticking off the events on my fingers, "on our first date we had to go home early because Michael grew that alien cocoon thingy. There was that time we went to Buckley point and Topolski showed up while we were making out. And remember when we went to the party at the old soap factory and Alex and I got arrested?"

I laugh at the memory. "You should have seen him, Max. He was amazing. He just walked right up to Valenti and demanded that he let us go. It was incredible."

Max smiles sadly. "He was a good friend. I miss him," he admits in a low voice. "We were all so serious, but Alex brought this lightness to everything, you know? He always made us laugh."

"I miss him every day. Sometimes I think I'll die from missing him," I confess softly.

Max's hand comes up to stroke my hair. "Of course you miss him. You loved him. And when you love, you love with your entire soul. It's the most beautiful thing about you."

My eyes unexpectedly fill with tears, and I am left speechless. Max seems to understand though, and we just sit quietly together, finishing our ice cream in silence.

"So I was thinking," Max says, after we devour our cones, "you and me... we're together, aren't we?"

My eyes widen, surprised at his question. We've been spending a lot of time together in the past few weeks since we discovered my powers, but neither of us have been brave enough to try putting a label on it other than friendship.

"I don't know," I hedge. "Are we?"

"Well," Max frowns slightly, "for starters we're out on a date right now. I brought you flowers, I made nice with your mother. Very boyfriend like behavior," Max winks.

"We love each other. We see each other almost every day. We've had a few very interesting sleepovers," he smirks at me. "I'd say that makes us a couple, wouldn't you?"

A couple. Max and I, together. It's everything I want, everything I gave up because HE asked me to. But Tess is gone, and in this moment I really can't think of a reason why he and I can't be together.

"Liz," Max says softly, "I can't see myself ending up with anyone but you."

Damn him, because I feel the same way. It's just something I know deep in my bones, the way Max knew he loved me almost a decade before he healed me. There will only be one man for me, on this planet or otherwise, and it's Max Evans.

"So I'd be like... your girlfriend?" I ask.

Max smiles. "I like how that sounds."

So do I. Being Max's girlfriend was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I've regretted walking away from him that day on the rocks since I got on the plane to Florida.

"So... is that a yes to getting back together?" Max prompts me.

I look at Max, really look, and I see everything I've ever dreamt about, things my grandmother raised me to search for in life. Love, respect, wonder, admiration. Understanding, adventure. And he's an actual king. He can offer the world to me

I never believed in fairytales. I never believed a prince would come to rescue me and magically my life would become roses and diamonds and royalty. I thought I had to rescue myself, because if I stayed in this town I would surely wither and die.

That's what Harvard was for. A goal, an escape clause; my one chance to get out and be great, to be something more than a waitress. There had to be more for me than Roswell, New Mexico.

And then on an otherwise ordinary day, Max saved me from a bullet wound two inches below my navel. Like the prince kissing Aurora and waking her from an enchanted sleep, Max Evans placed his hands on my bleeding body and awakened my soul. It was incredibly intense and although we connected for barely a minute it felt infinite, expansive, like time had stopped. It was just me and my dying body, and Max and his hands and his voice tethering me to earth.

One minute I was Liz Parker, small town waitress and future valedictorian, and the next I was helpless, terrified, my entire life boiled down to the minute between the gun going off and Max breaking a bottle of ketchup over my stomach. Death beckoned, filling me with pain and darkness and fear, but Max was stronger.

I never really knew what love was until Max healed me, and it was tender and desperate and all-consuming. He risked his life to save me. How could I not love him, and keep his secret, and sacrifice anything he asked of me?

I love him.

"Yes," I say, the word slipping effortlessly out of my mouth.

"Yes?"

"Yes," I giggle, overcome by a rare wave of happiness. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend." I break out in a huge smile.

Max grins broadly and strokes my check. "I was wondering when I was going to see that smile again."

"After Alex, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to smile like this."

Max's eyes soften. "I knew you would. I had faith in you." His thumb brushes my lips. "I know tonight is supposed to be about the rules, but I believe this calls for an exception." Max leans in and kisses me gently, his lips soft against mine.

"Well then," Max says, "since we've established the status of our relationship..." He stands up and offers me his arm, a playful smile on his face. "May I walk you home, girlfriend?"


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I own nothing. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

"I'm bored," I whisper into the shoulder of the man sitting next to me, but he doesn't respond.

I pout and force myself to close my eyes and let my mind blank out. The problem is that when I do my mind starts flashing old memories that I worked very hard to bury. Memories I was sure I drowned in alcohol until they were just fuzzy pictures I had no feelings about.

Memories like Future Max disappearing into thin air right in front of me, twisting the proverbial knife so deeply I collapsed in heaving sobs and cried myself to sleep on the balcony.

Watching them lower Alex into the ground, my hands wound tightly in Maria's to stop myself from jumping into the grave with his casket, like a deranged widow throwing herself onto her husband's pyre.

I didn't want him to be all alone. It seemed unbearable, to be separated from him by six feet of mulch.

"I can't do it." I announce. "I'm sorry, I can't do it."

"Liz," Kyle whines. "I can't teach you meditation if you won't even try."

"I did try! Except instead of seeing floaty clouds and feeling all peaceful and calm, my brain vomits up some subconscious memory that I really don't want to look at."

Kyle nods, a contemplative look on his face. "To make peace with oneself one must make peace with the past."

"Whatever you say, Ghandi."

"It's good advice," he defends, and ducks into his house through the back door and unsurprisingly comes back a minute later with a six-pack.

"You want?" He settles into a deck chair next to me and offers me a bottle.

"You're a bad influence," I say, but I take the beer anyway.

"Oh please. You dated Sean DeLuca."

I gape at him. "Did Maria tell everyone?"

"You're not as subtle as you think. It's a small town. People see things."

"Whatever, we barely dated. I haven't talked to him in weeks." I mumble.

"Good," Kyle says lightly. "Otherwise I'd have to kick his ass."

I shake my head at him, laughing. "Haven't you done enough for me?"

"You call, I answer." He says it without any bitterness but I flinch anyway. He's too good for me. He'd never say it but it's true. I used him and he let me, because some part of him still loves me enough not to deny me.

And the next day, hell, the next week at school Kyle eyed me sympathetically when girls hissed SLUT at me and he walked right by the guys who tried to high five him in the hallways.

I don't know who started the rumor that the star quarterback took his ex-girlfriend's virginity in a meaningless hook up. An ex-girlfriend who used to make up half the sophomore class power couple that was Max and Liz. My money's on the small blond hellion of a girl not native to Earth but I guess I'll never know.

Like typical high school patriarchies mine shunned me, Kyle became a hero, and Max suddenly had sympathetic, hopeful single girls following him everywhere because even though he's shy and smart and tries to fade into the background Max is weirdly popular. It must be the dark, handsome and mysterious thing he has going on.

"You and Evans back together?" Kyle asks causally, like we're not talking about the man I dumped Kyle for last year.

"Yeah," I say softly.

A flash of disappointment crosses his face so quickly I almost miss it.

"I'm sorry, Kyle." I shouldn't feel guilty- he and I broke up almost two years ago- but I do. He's been a good friend to me this year when I didn't have anyone else. Unexpectedly, Alex's death brought Kyle and I closer together.

Kyle shrugs nonchalantly. "It's okay. I let you go a long time ago. I know you would always choose Max over me. Remember the night your grandmother had a stroke? We were in the waiting room and Max showed up, and you gave him this look and I just knew."

"Knew what?"

"That you would never look at me that way."

I hang my head in shame, embarrassed at the way I acted that night. Breaking up with Kyle was the right decision, but I did it impulsively, completely blinded my emotions. I was terrified that my grandmother was dying and I was furious about what had happened to Max, convinced that it Kyle hadn't done it, he certainly knew about it.

It was a snap decision, but Kyle was right, even if I wasn't ready to admit that to myself. I would never have loved Kyle the way I love Max.

"It's okay," he reassures me. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," I sigh.

"So if you two are back together, what's bugging you so much?"

"Huh?"

"Liz, how long have I known you?"

"I don't know...forever I guess."

"And I always know when something's bothering you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep," Kyle says confidently.

I look down at my hands, debating whether or not to open up to him. It feels weird talking about my relationship with Max, but we are friends now. God knows we've had stranger conversations than this.

"Do you ever think about what we did last year?" I ask him.

Kyle cocks an eyebrow. "We did a lot of things last year."

"You know what I'm talking about. The thing I asked you to do for me."

"Oh, that thing?" he teases.

"Can you be serious for one minute, I need to ask you something. Why would you do that for me, without even knowing why I wanted you to do it? Why risk your reputation for that?"

Kyle shrugs. "I trust you, I guess. And you're a hard person to turn down. And no offense, but you seemed kind of desperate."

"Do you want to know why I did it?" I ask quietly.

Kyle stares at me, surprised. "You would tell me?"

"I think you deserve to know," I answer honestly. "I should have told you from the beginning. Maybe...things would have played out differently," I sigh, frustrated, hovering on the precipice of what could have been. "And I'm sick of keeping secrets. I can't do it anymore. I can't be with Max and not tell him. It's not right."

"You feel guilty about it," Kyle correctly assesses.

"I feel guilty about a lot of things."

Kyle leans back in his chair. "This better be a hell of a story, girl."

Fifteen minutes and two beers later my throat is hoarse from purging my confession. Kyle stares at me, slack jawed.

"Shit, Liz," he mutters. "That's seriously fucked up."

I laugh bitterly. "That's one way to put it." I sigh and run my hands through my hair. "I have to tell him, don't I?"

"Doesn't seem like keeping secrets does any of us any good," Kyle muses. "Hey, if you had told me what Max was I never would've gotten shot and I wouldn't have to worry about turning into you," he smirks.

"That's so not the same thing! If I told you, you would have run to your dad. And you were like, practically stalking me. You got yourself into this."

"Stalking, really? Now you're hurting my feelings. I was merely concerned for your well being."

"Do you think Max will hate me?"

"Hate you? No, definitely not. Hell, he'll probably be thrilled to find out I didn't deflower you. I would try to focus on that particular point."

"Right," I say dryly. "Aside from the status of my virginity, you think he'll be okay with everything? Would you?"

"Liz," Kyle says gently, laying a hand on my arm. "You are the smartest, nicest, prettiest girl I have ever had the pleasure of dating. He'll forgive you."

"Thank you," I duck my head, embarrassed at the compliment.

"I know I didn't say it back then, but I loved you," Kyle says softly. "I probably always will."

I look into his clear blue eyes and am reminded by another boy with eyes like that, eyes that reflected kindness and honesty, eyes that twinkled just for me. I lay a hand over Kyle's and pat it gently. "I love you too."


	22. Chapter 22

"Hey," Max announces himself, climbing over my balcony.

I've been waiting out here for twenty minutes, since I called him and asked him to come over. I'm going to tell him tonight. I don't know if he'll forgive my actions or condemn them but either way I have to tell him.

I can't carry this secret anymore. Max and I used to be able to trust each other, and I was the one who broke it first, who took every beautiful thing that we had together and destroyed it in twenty four hours.

"Hi," I say softly, my stomach twisting in a combination of nervousness and dread. I don't know how I'm going to be able to get through telling Max about future Max and what he made me do.

I don't want to tell Max that we had everything we wanted, and he came back in time to give me up and made both of us martyrs, because for some completely fucked up reason the fate of humanity rests in our relationship.

"Are you okay?" he asks, dropping down to sit by my feet. "You sounded kind of weird on the phone."

"I'm ready," I blurt out, and Max wrinkles his brow in confusion.

I exhale sharply and sit up. There's no going back now. I take a second to pray to a god I don't believe in to please, please let Max understand. We have broken each other's hearts too many times to withstand more pain. "I'm ready to tell you what happened."

"Oh," Max says, nodding. "Okay." He grins gently at me. "I have to admit, I thought you would avoid having this conversation as long as you possibly could."

"Well, now I just want to get it over with. I don't think you and I should keep secrets from each other anymore."

Max laughs sharply. "Yeah, secrets have been a bit of an issue for us."

"Yeah," I agree softly. "Look Max, I just want you know that everything that I did, even if it sounds really really bad... I did it because I love you."

"Okay," Max says, and his voice sounds just slightly unsteady. He's always had a better poker face than me.

"Okay," I sigh. "It was this one night last fall. Maria took Alex and I to see a psychic."

"Wait, really?" Max interjects, amusement dancing on his face. "A psychic?"

"Well, it is Maria!" I say defensively.

"Did she say anything interesting?"

I bite my lip, hearing the woman's words in my head, proclamations of love and passion, her talk of the dark, special boy who chooses love over destiny. Chooses me.

"It doesn't matter. She wasn't right," I mutter. Anyway, Maria dropped me off at home after and I was in my room..." I trail off, suddenly speechless, remembering that night, my schoolgirl hopes and dreams raised to high heaven and then smashed not even hours later.

My cheeks burn when I remember standing in front of the mirror, imagining a wedding I'd never get to see.

"I'm sorry," I swallow. "This is really hard to talk about."

Max covers one of my hands with his. "Would you rather show me?" he asks cautiously, and I bring my head up to meet his. I think I know what he's getting at, but I still have to ask.

"You want me to connect with you?"

"I just thought it might be easier for you," Max says softly." And I'll be able to feel what you feel."

"You mean it has a built in lie detector."

"That's not what I meant," Max backtracks quickly.

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just nervous," I apologize. "Okay, let's just do it."

"You sure?" Max asks. "I don't want to make you do something you're not ready to do."

"No, I'm ready. I can do it," I say, trying to convince myself more so than Max.

"Okay." Max reaches out and cups my face in his hands. Warm amber eyes lock into mine and I shiver at the sheer intensity of this moment. "You know the drill," he says lightly, trying to reassure me. "Just imagine what you want me to see."

I look at Max, at his sweet fallen angel face, and imagine the man who came to me so many months ago. His face was weathered and scarred, his hair much too long. But it was his eyes that got me. Those beautiful golden eyes had gone dim, devoid of his usual light, brimming with pain and fear. I didn't want to believe it was him. This broken man could not be Max, my Max.

But I would know those eyes anywhere. As long as I live, I will never forget those eyes. Haunted, alien. Begging me for help, appealing to my ideals of salvation, redemption. A second chance.

I hear a strangled gasp and my eyes fly open. Strange, I don't remember closing them. Max sits in front of me, perfectly still and quite pale.

"Max?" I whisper shakily. I reach out to touch his knee and he comes to life, recoiling away from me.

"Don't," he says sharply, and then softer, "just give me a minute."

He gets up and walks over to the wall of my balcony. He leans on it, resting his hands on the wall, his head tilted up to look at the stars.

After a couple of minutes I hear him exhale deeply and he turns around to face me. His eyes are glassy. "That man," he says brokenly. "He... was me?"

"From the future," I answer.

"No," he mutters. "That's impossible. Liz, come on, you know that's impossible."

My heart breaks at his resistance, reminding me of my own futile arguments against time travel.

"He used the Granolith. Apparently it can be used to create a tear in the time/space continuum. That's why it's so important."

Max just stands there, shaking his head back and forth. "It...he could have been a skin, he could have been a shapeshifter, couldn't he?" he asks desperately.

"Max, don't you think I thought all those things too? It was you. I'd know any version of you, anywhere. He wasn't a skin, or a shapeshifter. He knew things, things about you, and us. I felt him...the way I feel you," I confess. "The connection was still there."

"Okay," Max says quietly. "And he told you that you and I couldn't be together."

"In that timeline, we got back together. Eventually Tess left and later when your enemies came... you couldn't win without her. You needed her powers."

"So his great plan was to force you to walk away from me and push me towards Tess?" he spits out angrily.

"He didn't... he said it was the only way."

Max closes his eyes, pain splayed across his features. "That night in my room...all those things you said..."

"I thought it would be easier for you if you hated me. I'm sorry Max, I'm so sorry for hurting you like that. I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did," Max grits out.

I close my eyes and hot tears spill down my cheeks. "I know."

"And when that didn't work, you went to Kyle. It was a set up." His voice is so quiet I can only just hear the rage in his tone. I sob and cover my mouth with my hands, burning with shame.

"Kyle must have really cared about you to do you such a big favor. Get naked in bed together, stick it to the guy you left him for. Make me think you gave him something that was supposed to be mine," he seethes possessively. "That IS mine." His acknowledgement of my (still) virgin status confirms my suspicions that he's known about it that for awhile.

"Max, please, it wasn't like that. I didn't know what else to do! Believe me, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I didn't have a choice." I wipe my eyes and look squarely at Max. "You didn't give me a choice."

"Fuck." He curses under his breathe, breathing heavily. He seems so undone and I start to wonder if telling him was a mistake, a selfish decision to burden him with my pain and guilt so I wouldn't have to suffer alone.

"Liz," he says, his voice painfully tight. "Why didn't you come to me?" He gives me a look so full of absolute devotion that I have to look away. I don't deserve to be looked at like that. Not anymore.

"I couldn't," I say in a small voice. "I wanted to. I begged him to go to someone else, anybody else."

I start to cry again and suck in a ragged breathe. "He said that if he saw you- if the two of you were in the same place at the same time- it would destroy you both. He said... he only trusted me."

"I should have had a choice in it!" Max says fiercely. "You could have told me the truth! You don't get to make unilateral decisions that affect my life!"

"Max, you broke up with me after our first date because you decided it wasn't safe. How was that not a unilateral decision?"

"That was not the same thing and you know it!" he snarls. "At least I respected you enough to tell you the truth."

"Isabel and Michael died, okay?" I shout at him. "They died. Because you and I were together."

Max's jaw drops a little and he runs a shaking hand through his hair. "Is that it?" he asks stiffly. "Is that everything?"

I nod and cry harder. His cold tone of voice is scaring me. I feel a shiver run through me, realizing the potential outcome of this moment.

This is where I lose him.

The idea only makes me sob pathetically, feeling naked in front of Max who stands before me, so close but unreachable. I have moved past shame into blind desperation.

I will crawl on my hands and knees and beg Max to stay with me if I have to. I can't lose him twice.

I won't survive it.

"Shit," he mutters, and he sits back down. "Liz, he says quietly, "please don't cry."

"Do you hate me?" I whimper, my head in my hands.

"No," he says softly, making me lift my head in confusion. "This would be a lot easier if I did. But I could never hate you. Not even for this. And anyway, I felt what you felt, remember? I felt how much pain you were in. I know you never wanted this."

"But Max," I protest, "I...I'm a murderer." The word tastes dirty in my mouth.

Max frowns and I choke on a sob when gentle hands come up to wipe tears from my face. "What the fuck are you talking about, sweetheart?"

"Alex," I cry. "It was my fault. He didn't die like that in the first timeline."

Max sighs heavily. "It's the butterfly effect. You changed things. That's just what happens when you interfere, you know that. It doesn't mean you're personally responsible."

"But I'm the one who changed things. Of course I'm responsible!"

"I don't remember you feeling responsible when I slept with Tess and got her pregnant," he says, jaw clenched. I flinch, jarred at the sudden mention of Tess.

"I never thought about it like that," I mumble.

"Because you aren't. That was MY decision and I have to live with it. You aren't responsible for my mistakes," he says firmly. "It was mine to make; and it was a really bad one."

"But I pushed you towards her. And she left, she fucking left just like last time except at least then we still had the granolith. Now we have nothing Max, we don't have anything and we're totally screwed, and it's all my fault and we're all going to die because of me!" I ramble, every horrible thought I've had about myself spilling out of my mouth as panic overcomes me.

Max suddenly reaches out to me and pulls me to him, pressing me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Stop, baby," he implores. "Just stop."

I sink into him, pressing my face into his chest, and focus on the sound of his heartbeat to ground me.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Max say, his voice tender. "All that regret. The guilt. We made a lot of mistakes this year, both of us. People got hurt. People...died."

Max's voice is steady but his hand clenches in a fist against me. "But it's not... it was never your fault. You got sucked into this thing that was so much bigger than you, and you did the best that you could. I can imagine...if it was me I probably wouldn't have been able to say no to you either."

"Are you going to break up with me?" I've spent so long hating myself for what I did that it's hard for me to imagine being worthy of his forgiveness.

Max fists my hair with his hand. "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

"I just need to know," I say into his throat. "I need to know if you can forgive me."

Max sighs deeply. "You know, for someone who's so smart, you're being really dense right now. Liz, look at me, please."

He pulls me off his chest, cupping my face in his hands and Max looks into my eyes, his face flashing with emotion.

"Listen to me," he commands. "You have been so brave, and so strong, and I am very, very proud of you."

My jaw drops, and all I can do is stare at him. Of all the things he could say, I was definitely not expecting that.

Max leans into me and presses his forehead against mine. "I love you," he says huskily. "I've always loved you. There is nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you. I'm sorry that I got so caught up in my hurt pride and my ego after what happened that I didn't see you were hurting too. I was horrible to you. I'm so sorry for making you feel like I wouldn't love you if I knew the truth. I love all of you, even the parts that screw up."

"Max," I whisper. My heart is aching, relief flooding my body at his beautiful words.

Max kisses my eyelids and strokes my hair. "You don't need my forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself."


	23. Chapter 23

"This is unbelievable!" Michael screams at me from across his living room. Max and Maria stand in between us, keeping us separated, while Isabel sits to the side in an armchair and watches silently as Michael and I fight like it's a spectator sport.

Max called a meeting at Michael's apartment an hour ago to fill Michael and Isabel in on what I told him about Future Max, and as we expected Michael is furious.

"I trusted you, and you lied! You betrayed all of us!" He is livid, his entire being vibrating with rage. Michael and I have never really see eye to eye on anything, and we've had spats before, but nothing like this.

"I'm sorry! Jesus Michael, what do you want me to say? I fucked up!"

"Damn right you did! Let me ask you something Liz, did it ever occur to you to mention to one of us before we shipped Tess off to Antar that we might want to hold onto the granolith? That it might be, I don't know, our last resort in case everything goes to shit? Or were you that desperate to get rid of Tess?"

I glare at Michael, my body coiled in anger. "Fuck. You. She _murdered _Alex."

"And you're not as different from her as you'd like to think," he spits out. "You both screwed over Max to carry out your own agenda, so don't act so high and mighty, princess."

I take a step back from him and stare at my feet as my eyes fill with tears. He had to take my worst fear and throw it back in my face. Of course Michael would defend Max, but it still hurts.

Michael and I have been through a lot together and some part of me hoped he would be, if not as understanding as Max, at least willing to give me a second chance.

"Alright, that's enough buddy!" Maria stands in front of Michael and points an angry finger at him. "You don't get to talk to her that way!" Her green eyes are flashing, and she has clearly gone into guard dog mode.

"Maria, she..."Michael rakes his hands through his hair in exasperation.

"I know what she did," Maria says coolly.

Michael frowns. "Wait, did you know... have you known this whole time?" He shakes his head angrily. "Of course you knew, you're her best friend."

Maria rolls her eyes. "Duh, like I would ever believe she would randomly loose her V card to Born Again Buddha Valenti? Please." She all but sneers at Michael.

I groan internally, wishing I could die on the spot. This is so freaking embarrassing.

"What do you want me to do?" he fumes at her. "Am I supposed to just drop it? Seriously?"

"Seriously, you need to stop being so judgmental," Maria snipes back.

For some weird reason listening to them bicker is kind of comforting. It's familiar, I guess. Where Max and I flirted through longing love struck stares and stolen kisses, Michael and Maria hurled heated words at each other. The chances of them getting it on by the end of tonight are excellent right now.

"Look Michael, it's not like you've never gone rogue and made a bad decision," Maria says firmly. "You need to cut Liz a little slack, okay?"

"Slack," Michael repeats after her, his tone disbelieving. "Slack," he says again, and he's almost chuckling, his eyes looking up to the ceiling and I know he's thinking, what the hell did I do to deserve this?

"Fine." He throws his hands up in the air. "Fine." He steps back into the kitchen, pounding a fist lightly on the counter.

We all jump when we hear the front door open.

"Hey," Kyle calls out. "Sorry I'm late, I know Guerin never has any food so I picked up Chinese..."

He trails off as he walks into the room, setting down plastic take out containers on the counter and staring around. "What's going on?" He asks nervously, picking up on the tension in the room.

Kyle catches Max's eye and I tense up, realizing this is the first time they've been in the same room since we found out that Max might have given Kyle powers.

The whole room seems to pick up on what I'm thinking and we all end up staring at Kyle, who scratches his head nervously. I look at Max and he sets his jaw and walks over to Kyle. I exhale in relief when he holds out his hand.

"Hey man. Thanks for coming," Max says in a low voice, and Kyle shakes his hand and nods casually, like they don't hate each other, like they might actually _respect _each other.

Kyle glances at Michael and looks back at Max. "What crawled up his ass?"

Max cracks a ghost of a smile as the tension in the room finally starts to dissolve.

The next two weeks are tense, especially at work. Michael forgave Maria for not telling him my secret; she invoked girl code and by default he had to forgive her.

No such luck for me. Michael is angry and he's not being subtle about it. Every time he sees me his face goes dark, and he refuses to talk to me except to snark under his breath when I'm around just to get under my skin.

Two weeks after our blowout Michael, Maria and I are stuck closing the Crashdown together. Maria ends up having to do most of the work because Michael and I keep moving around just to avoid each other.

"Alright, I can't take it anymore," Maria snaps at me, turning away from the dishes she's clearing and stands to face me, a hand on her hip. "Go talk to him."

"Maria, I really don't think"-

"I need my best friend and my boyfriend to at least be civil to each other when you're around me, so go talk to him and figure it out. Please."

"He won't listen to me!" If Michael is good at anything, it's holding a grudge.

"Look, it's not that he's really that mad at you. I think it just hurt his feelings that we all knew before he did."

My eyebrows shoot up disbelievingly. "I hurt his _feelings_?"

She has to be kidding. Since when does Michael even have feelings, at least in terms of what I do? The fact that I could even hurt Michael at all sounds ridiculous.

"He has feelings!" Maria defends him, her cheeks turning pink. "Just because he isn't Max doesn't mean he doesn't feel!"

"So what happened to Michael 'I'm a stone wall' Guerin?" I ask harshly, my arms crossed. Is it so much to ask for Maria to be on my side for once?

"I think I cured him of that," she smiles dreamily for a second. "So get your ass in that kitchen and make up with him, because I can't handle anymore fighting!" Her voice gets all shrill at the end of her sentence, sounding like some exhausted mom whose nerves are on the brink of snapping entirely.

"Okay, okay!" I take off my apron and fling it on the counter, and walk through the double doors of the cafe.

Michael is in the kitchen washing dishes and I lean in the doorway, watching him. He doesn't seem to notice me and I just stand there, trying to get up the courage to say something.

"What," he finally says gruffly, his eyes firmly on the dishes he's washing.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly.

"You said that already."

"I know, I just... I feel really bad, okay, and this ignoring me thing is not helping." If Max can forgive me, why can't Michael?

"What do you want, Liz?" Michael asks bluntly, cutting right to the point.

"I want you to understand that I am genuinely sorry for what I did. I lied to Max, and to you, and I did things that I'm... not proud of."

Michael just stands there, washing the dishes like I'm not even here, and I feel indignation rise in me.

"This is why I didn't want you to find out in the first place! Because I knew you wouldn't understand. You have no idea how much I sacrificed for all of you! It _killed_ me to keep that secret. What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?" I slam my hand against the wall. "God, you won't even look at me!"

Michael dries his hands and turns around to face me, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You done with your tantrum?"

"You're such an ass!" I screech, angry and dangerously close to tears.

"You let her in, Liz," he says, his voice poisonous. "You gave Tess the keys to the kingdom and she waltzed right in and took everything she wanted. You think after what she did to Max he's ever going to trust someone again? Even you?"

"Max loves me," I say shakily, holding onto the only thing that makes me feel secure right now.

"Good for you Liz," Michael sneers at me and I subconsciously take a step back from him. I wonder if he is naturally this intimidating or if it's an alien talent. "Don't forget that's what caused all this in the first place."

"I never asked for him to love me!" I shriek, my hands flying everywhere. Michael opens his mouth but I never get to find out what he was going to say because a loud scream from the cafe makes him freeze.

"Maria!" We shout in unison, and shove at each other to get out of the kitchen.

Maria is standing in the middle of the cafe, pale but otherwise unharmed. Michael and I both skid to a stop in front of her and she turns slowly to look at us, her eyes huge like saucers.

"The plates" she whispers. "They were all there." She points a shaking finger at a plastic tray sitting on the counter. "And then..." She draws a wide arc in the air and directs our attention to a pile of broken dinner plates on the floor.

"You hurt?" Michael asks, his hands running over her arms, checking for injuries.

"I'm fine," she says faintly, looking dazed. "Liz," she whispers, noticing me. "Your arms..."

"What?" I look down and my arms are glowing, the familiar green light ghosting down my skin. No. No no no I did not break a stack of plates from another room. I didn't even feel it this time!

"Maria, I'm so sorry!" I could have hurt my best friend. I let myself get out of control and only dumb luck prevented Maria from taking a plate to the head.

Michael gives me a death glare as he sits Maria down on a stool at the counter.

"I'll go get the broom," I mutter, but Michael shakes his head at me.

"Sit," he says tightly, pointing to the stool next to Maria.

"It's my fault, I should clean it up."

"Just sit your ass down," Michael growls, and pulls at my elbow, shoving me into a stool.

"What, you're putting me in time out?" I cross my arms and glare angrily at him.

"Yep." Michael towers over me, staring me down.

"What are you, my babysitter?"

Michael just continues to stare at me, a small, smug grin on his face. "What if I told you that's exactly what I am? It's not a coincidence I've been working whenever you've had a shift. Or do I need to call Max to keep you in line?"

I jump up, ten different ways to hurt him running through my head, but Michael pushes me back down.

"Sit and calm the fuck down before you hurt someone," he says roughly, and my eyes fill with angry tears.

"You'd think someone who accidentally killed using his powers would be a little more understanding!" I hurl at him. Michael's face goes grey and I know instantly that I've crossed the line.

"You guys, stop!" Maria wails.

She gets up to stand in between us. "God, you two are so stupid!" she cries, stamping her foot. "You're friends, you shouldn't fight like this!"

"We're not friends!" Michael and I say hotly at the same time.

"Not friends? Seriously?" Maria's voice gets high and shrill. "Michael, when Liz found out about you guys she helped you hide it from Valenti. She helped you get Max out of Eagle Rock. And she makes one mistake and you won't forgive her? After everything she did for you?"

Maria shoves Michael's chest lightly with her fingertips. "You're a better man than that. Be better than that."

Michael sets his jaw, his eyes trained on the floor. I almost feel bad for him but as far as I'm concerned he had it coming.

"And you!" Maria whirls around to me.

"Me? It was an accident!"

"Not the plates, dummy! You!"

"Me, what?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"Look," she says, a little gentler, "I know that things have been tough for you since Alex. I know you felt like we all abandoned you after he died. And I get why you'd be mad at us about that but you can't act out like this forever. You have to let it go a little."

My jaw drops. "Excuse me?" I say icily.

"Liz, it's okay." Maria takes a small step towards me.

"It's okay to hurt," she says softly. "We're all hurting. Maybe it will always hurt. But we can't let that divide us. We need each other."

Her voice pleads with me, and I press the heels of my hands into my eyes. I can't talk about this. I can't talk about how much it eats me up inside, how I physically ache for Alex. How betrayed I felt when no one believed me when I said an alien killed him. How much I started drinking to try to make the pain go away.

I lash out at Michael because I know he understands, and I know that he can handle me. We may not get along but we've always respected each other, respected the place we both have at Max's side.

Michael understands what it's like to be alone. He understands what it's like to provoke someone in anger, just to make them hurt you, because you think you deserve it.

And I know Maria's right. I can't use Michael as my punching bag just because I'm angry and I'm scared and I'm ashamed of what I've done.

When Michael found me at the carnival when Pierce took Max he didn't yell at me or blame me for what happened. He just held me to his chest and let me cry.

He followed Maria and I to Las Cruzes to make sure nothing happened to us.

He stayed for her, on earth, because he loves my best friend more than his duty to Max.

"I'm sorry," I say, my voice cracking. I cover my face with my hands as tears start to roll down my cheeks. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..."

Maria rushes to me and wraps her arms around me, and I feel Michael come up behind me and place a steading hand on my back. They hold me silently until I stop crying and then together we clean up the broken plates.


End file.
